Smoke
Done here.
Wait till you've been married two years. Not that all the romance necessarily goes out of a marriage, but most people just can't be passionate all the time over a long period of time.
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Why is it Important to Love Who You Sleep With?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Smoke
Done here.
Actually, it's one of the oldest ideas.
Alceste
Vagabond
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it was the first idea we ever had.
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
But if you didn't want a commited relationship, what was the sex for? Is this going back to the whole "sex for fun" concept?
It's the only sex education they offer...
I found it rather annoying. I mean really, I was thinking something along the lines of I ALREADY LEARNED IN CHURCH NOT TO HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME AGAIN IN SCHOOL. I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE SEX AND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE, NOT REHEARSE STUFF I ALREADY KNOW!"
But what I'm trying to ask is, wouldn't he snap out of it while he was putting on the condom? If he's able to think clearly enough to get a condom out, wouldn't he be able to think clearly enough to realize that he's about to have sex with someone he wasn't planning on having sex with?
People can't think clearly while they're being intimate. I mean really, I get all dazed and start feeling real fuzzy and good inside just hugging a girl, I can't imagine how I'd be able to think straight in a real sexual enounter.
Well, the books I've read talk about stuff like blood rushing to the pelvis, muscles tightening (particularly around the pelvis), feeling hot and sweaty, heart pounding... doesn't exactly sound fun.
By the way, Acleste, aren't you married? What did your husband have to say about your casual sex experience (or did you not meet him until later?)?
Alceste
Vagabond
The sex was for sex. It was fun, AND it was affectionate and romantic.
Yeah, that's a real shame. It pretty much means that everything you learned about birth control and sex in your sex ed class was probably a bald-faced lie. Sorry to hear your teachers wasted your time.
Have a look at this web site: Sex, Etc. -- Sex Education by Teens, for Teens
It's by and for teens, and it goes out of its way to provide the accurate, factual, comprehensive information that is missing from abstinence programs. They have a forum for discussion as well.
Snap out of what? Wanting to have sex? No way. I have never met a guy in my life who would rather not have sex at all than have sex with a condom.
People don't have sex because they're not thinking clearly. They have sex because they want to. Either party at any time can decide they'd rather not go any further - for all kinds of reasons.
Let me put it another way - it's pretty intense, and sometimes gets confusing, but you don't COMPLETELY lose your ability to be mindful of the consequences. You can be dizzy and weak in the knees and still remember you don't want to get an STD, and you don't want to make anybody pregnant. (Although the influence of alcohol can and does reduce your ability to be mindful of the consequences).
I'm not married. My man is not religious, so he doesn't have any issues about sex before marriage. I had lots of experiences with other people before I met him, and he doesn't mind. He was off doing the same thing himself. There are some advantages to being with a sexually experienced person, but those aren't PG either.
The Middle
Member
It is the very GOAL OF LIFE to become a more loving person, and that means becoming more loving than you are naturally. Now naturally, people tend to love or more easily love someone they have sex with, but when you keep having casual sex and/or viewing women as pieces of meat rather than as persons, then you become less loving than you were naturally. You may become callous, in which case it may be more difficult for you to have a loving and committed relationship which includes sex but is so much more than that.
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Are you suggesting that anyone who sleeps with someone they are not in love with regards the person they sleep with as a piece of meat?
Smoke
Done here.
That may have been your experience, but it hasn't been mine at all.
Smoke
Done here.
And if so, wouldn't it be easier to simply have sex with a piece of meat? I mean, you wouldn't have to charm it, buy it drinks, or even talk to it.
As an Irish acquaintance of mine used to say, "A sheep is better than a woman. You don't have to talk to a sheep."
T-Dawg
Self-appointed Lunatic
But why? You didn't want children, you didn't want commitment, what did you want? Just fun? Is sex really that good?
Yes, snap out of wanting to have sex. If I'm understanding her post correctly, the sexual encounter was completely spontaneous and accidental. They didn't want to have sex, but their hormones made them and afterwards they didn't regret it, or at least, that's what I figured from the way it was stated.
I thought people had sex because their hormones forced them to... sort of like how my hormones force me to have crushes on girls and try to ask them out.
Really? I could have sworn I remembered you talking in another thread about how you met this wonderful man in a Taoist forum and ended up marrying him...
The Middle
Member
I said "may," and I would furthermore add that it would be the natural tendency or consequence. Now the resiliency of the soul and the grace of God is such that even prostitutes may be able to eventually have a loving relationship (but it's certainly not recommended as beneficial emotionally!) But it's "in spite of" not "because of" everything that happened before.
The Middle
Member
And if so, wouldn't it be easier to simply have sex with a piece of meat? I mean, you wouldn't have to charm it, buy it drinks, or even talk to it.
As an Irish acquaintance of mine used to say, "A sheep is better than a woman. You don't have to talk to a sheep."
There are also anatomically-correct dolls for those who are inclined.
Smoke
Done here.
Spontaneous and accidental are not the same thing. In fact, having sex accidentally is among the rarest of accidents. Even if you trip and fall thousands of times, you're unlikely to land just right.
Alceste
Vagabond
Hm - I have to disagree. I keep having casual sex because of my exceptionally loving nature. In fact, I still have casual sex all the time - in my loving and committed relationship. (Which includes casual sex but is so much more than that.)
Alceste
Vagabond
:spit: You're on a roll tonight! That was some good Guinness you just made me dribble out my nose.
Alceste
Vagabond
Let me put it this way, if your choices for fun things to do with a person you are attracted to are: read a book, watch TV, go for a walk, talk about philosophy, listen to jazz records, or have sex, sex is definitely the most fun out of all those choices.
Ah, well your hormones are responsible for all your feelings of sexual attraction, but your brain is responsible for what you decide to do with those feelings. Your brain is always going to win in the end, even though if you do something (or catch something) you regret later you might rewrite history to try to make yourself believe you had no choice.
All true, except I'm not married. I have what's called a "common-law spouse". Formerly known as "living in sin".
But what if you love your anatomically correct love doll?
The Middle
Member
What I meant by "casual sex" was with someone you hardly know and/or don't love as opposed to someone you're married to or in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with.
The Middle
Member
You should see the movie, "Lars and the Real Girl."