Why would you get married?

[crossfire]

asexual: a person who has no sexual feelings or desires, or who is not sexually attracted to anyone. what are asexuals - Google Search

That is not really what I am. I just stopped having sex through lack of interest and because I thought sex interfered with my connection to God. I might be sexually attracted to a man I was in love with, but what I would do with my desires is another matter. I would never have sex out of wedlock.

Then that might make you a demisexual.

 

[Subduction Zone]

Would it be worth it?
You might be able to find a woman who wants endless sex, as long as you can hold out, who is not even religious at all.

Yes! The ever elusive unicorn! Does she cook and do the dishes too?

 

[Polymath257]

I forgot one benefit of getting married. Sex. Endless sex.

You haven't been married, have you?

 

[Polymath257]

Yes! The ever elusive unicorn! Does she cook and do the dishes too?

For that, I would cook and do the dishes!

 

[JustGeorge]

My husband hasn't been able to put together that if he would just get the kids to bed in an orderly manner, keep his laundry in order(not anyone else's, just his own), and load/unload the dishwasher, I'd have the energy for the endless sex he's hoping for...

I've told him this, but he isn't able to comprehend it. Or its too hard so he hopes that bringing me chocolate might override that(it doesn't, as then I get a sugar gut, though its appreciated anyways).

 

[Subduction Zone]

You haven't been married, have you?

I said that I would have to join one of those rather extreme sects to get sex. At least like that. I never joined such a church. Perhaps I should make my own cult. That was a fringe benefit for David Koresh and only for David Koresh in his cult. Hmm, I guess that there may be some drawbacks.

 

[Subduction Zone]

For that, I would cook and do the dishes!

I already do that. I am the better cook by far.

 

[Trailblazer]

Here's the cynical but practical response.

Thank you. This is what I was looking for on this thread, ideas about why one would want to remarry after a divorce or the death of a spouse. It is more cynical than I think is called for, because people do remarry after a spouse dies and they don't run into any problems.

I wouldn't remarry if I found myself alone. I'm 68 and financially secure. The only benefit might be fulltime companionship, but marriage isn't required to be living together.

Marriage is required for a Baha'i to be living together if they are having sex. Although I might be able to have a roommate who is a man why would a man would want to be my roommate and live in a disheveled house with eight cats?

I am not really looking for a roommate for companionship as I do quite well on my own and I don't need a roommate to help me with finances, so what would be the point of having a roommate? If I remarry it will be because I love the man and want to live with him and make a life with him.

I am rethinking the reasons why I would want to get married again and that was the purpose of this thread. After my late husband passed on the reason I felt a need for a man was because I felt helpless and I wanted help with the house and property and help with the cats, but I later realized I have enough money to hire help and I have already arranged to get help with the cats. Moreover, my late husband was not helping me with anything for the last few years even when he was alive and well, so my situation now is no different, except that I do not have to take care of him.

The problem here is that the risk of inviting a predator of sorts into your life is too great, somebody looking at you as a source of wealth. I think it might be very difficult to determine that before being harmed. Nice, older people tend to be gullible, to be unaware that so many of these people are out there, and to be susceptible.

I cannot even imagine marrying someone unless I knew what his character was line ahead of time and that is a requirement for Baha'i marriage and there are ways of determining this. Although I can certainly understand how meeting someone on a dating site can present problems, people do meet on dating sites and get married and live happily ever after. After my brother was widowed he met a Baha'i woman on a Baha'i dating site and they have now been happily married for about 15 years.

I would say getting married is unnecessary and risky.

That is easy from you to say it is unnecessary, but you might feel differently if you lost your wife.
On the other hand, since you have a completely different lifestyle from me, with a social circle or friends, maybe you would not mind living alone for the rest of your life.

I don't think remarriage after a divorce or widowhood is risky if one goes about it properly, using common sense. People do it all the time and wind up being happy.

Comingling assets is a mistake. Giving access to your assets (joint accounts) to another is a mistake. Loaning more than a small amount of money is a mistake (all loans should be considered gifts anyway). And absolutely never make anybody like that the beneficiary of a life insurance policy.

I fully agree. I told that con man William (or whatever his real name is) at the very beginning of our e-mail conversation that if we got married I would always keep all my money and assets in my name and I would expect him to keep his money and assets in his name. I would say the same to any man and if they think they could convince me to do otherwise they don't know me. I was not going to even give that man William a small loan since I knew better. Why he kept trying is because that is what con men do, but he was wasting his time on me, as he found out later. Maybe the big mistake I made was telling him my net worth, but I will never make that mistake again, live and learn.

Since I have no children, all my money and assets are going to the Baha'i Faith and animal rescue organizations. That was the understanding I had with my late husband, so if I commingle my money and assets with another man, that would be a betrayal of his trust. Any man who cannot understand that would be automatically eliminated.

In my opinion, anybody uninterested in you under those conditions is somebody to avoid. What legitimate reason would they have for objecting? None. Marriage is a way for such a person to gain access to your life. If he's a con, he'll tell you how important it is to him, and reasons why he needs you to make this commitment and show this degree of trust.

Of course that would be someone to avoid. Of course if he was a con man he would object, but it would never get that far as I would thoroughly investigate anyone I was considering marrying, even before I dated him. I have now learned a hard lesson but I did not lose anything except some time.

When I married my late husband he did not have anything except a check from social security disability and a trailer he was living in, and I did not have anything but a job and the apartment I was renting. We built a life together and I loved him and trusted him implicitly, so all our assets were joint. However, that is not going to happen again since the financial assets I have now were gained by my own work and my late husband's work and our investing. Likewise, I would never expect a man I might marry to share his financial assets with me.

I watch a lot of true crime dramas on TV as well as fictional depictions like Law & Order. It is almost incomprehensible that an older woman would marry a man and give him access to any of her money or assets, let alone taking out an insurance policy with him as the beneficiary.

Moreover, it is only common sense that if a man loves a woman and is marrying for love he would not expect any financial compensation. Any man close to my age who is worth marrying would be financially stable. There are many such men, but whether I would be compatible with them and love them is another story.

 

[Trailblazer]

For that, I would cook and do the dishes!

I would not care if you cooked or did the dishes since I can do those things, but if you would do home repairs and maintenance and yard work and help me with the cats, you could have all the sex you want. Fair is fair.

 

[Trailblazer]

I said that I would have to join one of those rather extreme sects to get sex.

No you wouldn't have to do that. You would only have to do my home repairs, home maintenance, yard work, and help me with the cats, and you could have all the sex you wanted. Fair is fair, and I don't really mind sex as long as I don't have to do all the work. Unfortunately, my late husband never figured that out.

 

[Trailblazer]

Then that might make you a demisexual.

Yes, I think that is what I am. I had an immediate emotional bond with my late husband and we had plenty of sex until we stopped having it.

Demisexuality: What Does It Mean? - WebMD
https://www.webmd.com › Sexual Health › Reference
Jun 28, 2021 — Demisexuality means being sexually attracted to someone only when you have an emotional bond with them.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

..., why would you want to get married?

The far more revealing question might be: "Why would you not?"

 

[Subduction Zone]

No you wouldn't have to do that. You would only have to do my home repairs, home maintenance, yard work, and help me with the cats, and you could have all the sex you wanted. Fair is fair, and I don't really mind sex as long as I don't have to do all the work. Unfortunately, my late husband never figured that out.

Oh now I have to work for it. I was thinking about just laying on my back and letting her do all of the work (actually it is a lot more fun when both people are involved).

Could you send me $50.00? Everyone says that I am good for it

 

[Valjean]

The far more revealing question might be: "Why would you not?"

Freedom, no need to compromise on your location, lifestyle, work hours, recreation, choices, friends... anything! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want, however you want, with whomever you want.

What benefits do you see in marriage that are unavailable to singles?

 

[Wildswanderer]

If you were never married or if you are divorced or widowed, why would you want to get married? In other words, what are the reasons to be married over remaining single?

I think people would want to be married if they plan to have children and raise a family, but other than that why would you have a desire to get married if you are not married?

I am mostly curious about people who are older and single but would like to get married. What are the reasons why older people want to get married if they were never married, or remarry if they were or divorced or widowed? In other words, why would an older person want to be married as opposed to remaining single and living alone?

If you are young or old, single and happy with no desire to get married, please explain why you have no desire to get married.

If you are young or old, and single and unhappy being single, and you have a desire to get married, please explain why you have a desire to get married.

As usual, I have a reason for asking these questions which will be revealed later.

Thanks, Trailblazer.

Loneliness. Wanting companionship.
It's a lot more fun to have someone to share your experiences with for most people.

 

[Valjean]

Loneliness. Wanting companionship.
It's a lot more fun to have someone to share your experiences with for most people.

I don't see being single as precluding that.

 

[Trailblazer]

Oh now I have to work for it.

No, but you would have to share in the household and cat duties.

I was thinking about just laying on my back and letting her do all of the work

Been there, done that.

(actually it is a lot more fun when both people are involved).

That was my point.

Could you send me $50.00? Everyone says that I am good for it

You might be good for it but I am not sending any con men any money and I made that perfectly clear to the two men who solicited money from me.
I just got off the phone with a third con man and I gave him an earful. I don't think he will be calling me back again.

What, am I wearing a sign that says "I am stupid?" No, I am not the one who is stupid, they are the ones who are stupid for wasting their time on me.

 

[Trailblazer]

Freedom, no need to compromise on your location, lifestyle, work hours, recreation, choices, friends... anything! You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, wherever you want, however you want, with whomever you want.

My late husband had all that while he was married to me, but I know what you mean since most women are not like me. The only thing I would not want my husband doing is sleeping with other women.

 

[Subduction Zone]

You might be good for it but I am not sending any con men any money and I made that perfectly clear to the two men who solicited money from me.
I just got off the phone with a third con man and I gave him an earful. I don't think he will be calling me back again.

What, am I wearing a sign that says "I am stupid?" No, I am not the one who is stupid, they are the ones who are stupid for wasting their time on me.

Con artists asking your for money is not a sign that they think that you are stupid. It can be a sign that they think that you are vulnerable. They will purposefully look for women that have recently lost a loved one and pretend to offer companionship when they are as you can tell only into you for the money. And they are often hitting on hundreds of women at once. It only takes a few successful cases to keep them going.

 

[Trailblazer]

Con artists asking your for money is not a sign that they think that you are stupid. It can be a sign that they think that you are vulnerable. They will purposefully look for women that have recently lost a loved one and pretend to offer companionship when they are as you can tell only into you for the money. And they are often hitting on hundreds of women at once. It only takes a few successful cases to keep them going.

The thing is that I don't need companionship because I have eight cats for companionship.
All I need is a handyman and landscaper and someone to help me groom my cats, and I can hire that work out.

Yes, it is a numbers game but the smart ones go on to another woman after I tell them they will NEVER get any money from me. So far one of the three was smart but the jury is still out on the other two.

But I have learned what their MO is. These men will tell you anything they think you want to hear. These men all claim to be widowers so they understand what it is like and when I say I like cats they all claim to like cats. When I told this third one I was not interested in sex, he told me he is a good Catholic so he had not had sex since his wife died 12 years ago.

They will use any tactic to try to rope you in. I could see this third man's mouth hanging open when I told him about the other two con men who tried to get money from me. None of them ever tried to do it on the phone so this is new.

I am laughing out loud as I type this.