Woman Ownership Tips

[Kilgore Trout]

As the owner of a woman, if you're anything like me, it took you awhile to figure out the best strategies for handling your woman, training her correctly, and disciplining her when needed. Of course, we all enjoy brushing and feeding our women, but keeping a woman is not all sunshine and rainbows!

What are some strategies and solutions you've come up with which have made woman-ownership easier and more enjoyable? Also, what type of food recommendations do you have to keep their skin and hair healthy and shiny?

One thing I figured out a long time ago, was as soon as you wrangle up a new woman, be sure to brand her immediately. If your woman happens to wander off, you don't want her getting picked up by some other guy who thinks she's available. The rear-end is a good spot to place the brand.

 

[Revoltingest]

It helps to understand the control system for a woman. Her cranium is not filled with a brain, as opposed to the male's. The woman has only the right
hemisphere of a brain, with the other side filled with some components not found in the male. There is a hormone pump which feeds her brain in
parallel with a random input generators for both feelings thoughts. There is a sensory input organ which takes inputs from eyes, ears & skin, & feeds
the random input generators, & also receives feedback from the half-brain output. I'd draw a control diagram, but it would be too disturbing.

 

[beenie]

I own myself, does that count?

 

[Revoltingest]

I own myself, does that count?

That would be as absurd as saying a tea kettle owns itself.

 

[Draka]

My owner is nice.
My owner let's me type on this thinga-ma-bob.
I cook meals for my owner and he even lets me decide what to cook.
My owner pets me. I like it.

 

[Iti oj]

i tried owning a woman once i decided to set her free. she decided to stick around and keep me happy anyways. now i don't have to do anything she does so on her own accord =D

 

[Revoltingest]

i tried owning a woman once i decided to set her free. she decided to stick around and keep me happy anyways. now i don't have to do anything she does so on her own accord =D

Free range women do have their charms.

 

[Viker]

I keep breaking my women and they won't take them back for an exchange down at the woman depot. I can't even get a refund. I'd like to know where I could get a woman to own for cheap and if she breaks on me I can trade her in or get my money back.

 

[Revoltingest]

I keep breaking my women and they won't take them back for an exchange down at the woman depot. I can't even get a refund. I'd like to know where I could get a woman to own for cheap and if she breaks on me I can trade her in or get my money back.

Ownership is over-rated.....try renting.
I recommend getting a heavy duty model.

 

[Viker]

Ownership is over-rated.....try renting.
I recommend getting a heavy duty model.

So, that would mean renting a Latin woman? I'll look into that.

 

[Jeremy Mason]

I got a black plastic woman and she's trying to make a devil out of me.

 

[Alceste]

My owner feeds me breakfast in bed every day and cooks dinner every night. Except tonight... He is out on a very important mission so I am making dinner as a special surprise.

 

[Me Myself]

I share the "off" switch if someone helps me to stop the red liquid drooling out of her.

 

[Kathryn]

My friends
Think its their appointed duty
They keep tryin' to tell me
That you just want to use me
But my answer
To all that use me stuff

I wanna spread the news
That if it feels this good gettin' used
You just keep on usin' me
Until ya use me up

My brother
Sit me right down and he talked to me
And he told me
He thought I ought to not let you just walk on me
And I know, I know that my brother he meant well
But I don't know what's really true

I said brother
If ya only knew
You'd be wishin' that you were in my shoes
To keep on usin' me, keep on usin' me
Until ya use me up
Until ya use me up

OK that's my theme song.

My owner expects me to sleep in the same bed with him. He expects me to make that bed up too - can you believe it? He expects me to dress in nice clothes, get manicures, and even spend $130 at a whack on my hair - UNBELIEVABLE!

He even thinks I should go out in public with him - you know, to, like movies and restaurants that serve stuff he likes, like sushi or steaks. Sometimes he even thinks I should drink a few martinis - like that's going to make me dance with him or something. Honestly...

He buys me presents on my birthday, and our "anniversary" (of my bondage), and at Christmas and even Mothers Day (what? I'm not his MOTHER!) - I guess this is just another way to impose his will on me or something.

He even bought a new house to imprison me! And a new "car" - just a nice term for "paddy wagon."

He thinks he's slick, but I know what he's up to.

 

[Quagmire]

As with any species of wild animal, owning a woman is an iffy and quite possibly dangerous proposition.

They may seem cute and cuddly in their natural habitat, but don't let that fool you: the law of the jungle is always there, operating just under the surface.

A few things to remember if you do decide to try and domesticate one of these fascinating and mysterious creatures:

---women are social animals, so once you've opened your house to one you can expect more to show up

---as with many species in the natural world, women have their own, secret language consisting of a baffling lexicon of gestures, facial expressions, shrieks, howls and giggles. Unfortunately, as time goes on she will almost certainly become fluent in your language, but you will never understand hers, which will put you at a distinct disadvantage

---as with raccoons and apes and a few other species of wildlife that are sometimes (usually unsuccessfully) kept as pets, women are clever creatures with opposable thumbs and are skilled at opening things: charge accounts, old wounds, address books you forgot to hide, etc.

 

[froggerlover]

i tried owning a woman once i decided to set her free. she decided to stick around and keep me happy anyways. now i don't have to do anything she does so on her own accord =D

if you love her (it), let her (it) go. if she is (it's) meant to be yours, she (it) will come back.

 

[Iti oj]

if you love her (it), let her (it) go. if she is (it's) meant to be yours, she (it) will come back.

you love me and its meant to be =D

 

[Me Myself]

Pet and owner so much joy when women ownership is done right

She even believes she is independent!

 

[4consideration]

My owner and I have a good relationship.

Except sometimes when it comes to communication. He likes fax communication.

The fax. Only the fax. And nothing but the fax.

Apparently he does not see the beauty and value of detail, mind-numbing excruciatingly detailed details, that seem to make his eyes roll around in his head while I am talking. It's so cute.

He loves when I go off on a tangent and is really interested not only about all of the insight I may have on an issue, but more importantly HOW I arrived at my conclusion (which I like to keep a mystery until the very end.)

He may not be too bright, though. He keeps asking me the same question over and over again. "What's the point?" I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I don't mention that he does it a lot.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

I need some help... the collar I gave her keeps chafing and leaving a rather unsightly mark. What should I do?