I accepted Jesus in 1972, but became an atheist some years after 2000. Not quite sure when. But last couple of years I'm drawn more towards naturalistic pantheism, which means I'm still an atheist, but I'm starting to see the true value of to me a better understanding what Jesus is supposed to symbolize. Jesus isn't a physical entity somewhere in a different dimension that you talk to and somehow magically receive in your heart. You are Jesus. Your journey in life is a reflection of the salvation journey you are making. Accepting Jesus is more about realizing the totality of existence. Jesus is supposedly Logos, which are the physical laws of nature. It's just another name for Nature. Accepting the world as it is, is to receive Jesus. No magic involved.
This is what GOD says about people such as yourself.
I am speaking about WHAT GOD SAYS. I believe what God says.
Why do people reject Jesus? Why do they believe in nothing, or in false gods/goddesses? The Bible tells us why people do not believe. The bible tells us why Jesus does not save many.
Those who don't believe and obey Jesus love darkness instead of light because their deeds are evil.
Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.
They are stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, and they always resist the Holy Ghost.
They are obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations--
They do evil in God's sight and chose what displeases Him.
That which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations,
They exchange the truth of God for a lie.
They are self-seeking and they reject the truth and follow evil.
They do not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God.
They are hostile to God.
They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.
They have been deceived by sin.
The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
Their minds are on earthly things.
When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart.
There are those who hear the word of God but the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. And there are those who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away.
There are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life’s worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature.
They are stubborn and follow their own devices.
They are stubborn; the sinews of their neck are iron, their forehead are bronze.
They have stubborn and rebellious hearts; they have turned aside and gone away.
They do not listen or pay attention; instead, they follow the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They go backward and not forward.
They have stubborn pride.
They refuse to give up their evil practices and stubborn ways.
They are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the LORD’s instruction.
Stubborn like a heifer. How then can the LORD pasture them like lambs in a meadow?
Examine yourselves and you will see that the word of God is true.
John 3; Acts 7:51; Isaiah30:9; 65:2; 65:11,12; Romans 1:19-21; 1:25; 1:28; 2:8; 8:7; 2 Thessalonians 2:10; Hebrews 3:13; 2 Corinthians 4:3-4; Philippians 3:19; Matthew 13:19; Luke 8:11-16; Psalm 81:12; Isaiah 48:4; Jeremiah 5:23; 7:24; Leviticus 26:19; Judges 2:19; Hosea 4:16.