We each decide (albeit imperfectly) for ourselves.
We do that, true. And I agree that it is imperfect. I contend that it isn't the best way to approach the problem. To respond to your examples...
Examples:
When co-worker Marla complained that blacks couldn't get ahead at our employer's company, I dismissed her charge because her problem was that she always showed up an hour or two late every day.
One possibility - not assuming you do this - is that Marla may not be forgiven as easily for showing up to work late every day as a person of privilege. My mother was passed up for promotions for years to males who showed up late and took personal days off no less than her, and who's annual and quarterly reviews were similar.
It's possible that blacks may be passed up on promotions or fired from jobs for reasons that whites would be easily forgiven for.
When young friend was sexually assaulted by a cop, I recognize a legitimate problem with authorities treating attractive young kids worse than us (not including you in this, toots) old fogies. Ageism & lookism are real.
Are you saying you
want to be sexually assaulted by a cop?
Just kidding.
My perspective on dealing with sexism and racism is having a discussion, rather than giving one person, one demographic the floor about their own experiences. Numbers count, as you are well aware, and many times the bigger picture speaks more about the current situation than what happened with one person on one day.
Many white supremacists look at the numbers narrowly on why the population of blacks in prisons as evidence of the inherent violence present in people of color. It confirms their own biases on what they think of the assumed inferiority blacks.
Trickier example:
We hear from some that Obama's lack of presidential success is due to white racism.
To them this is real. To me it's bogus.
We see eye to eye on this. IMO a look at the growth of the surveillance state at an exponential rate is a sign of major success of what I see as an agenda. However, I don't think that explains conversations with other white acquaintances and family who believe they're in "good company" and discuss how they're not racist
but.... that Obama is operating from the agenda of "black entitlement that so many other ****ers think they should get."
They won't say it in open forums or around people who are either black or are close to blacks. At my husband's last family reunion, one couple left for a bit after talking with the reunion organizers about racist comments being made about some of their bi-racial children. While they were gone, the organizers walked around saying that when the family returns, don't make those comments around them. But we'll keep an eye out to see if they return so that they don't hear them.
Some people would view that as considerate. Others would see it as underhanded. But we can't come to any conclusion unless it was out in the open about what is actually said, and if it is based on opinion, fact, or a narrowed perspective.
I don't think anyone here disputes these very real problems. But the fact that Santa (fictional character) is white is not a problem of privilege or ethnocentrism any more than the fact that Blade (fictional character) is black.
On RF I've seen members dispute the phenomenon of "driving while black" on every occasion it's been brought up. Or at least saying that the prevalence is negligible. None who have disputed it has been people of color from what I have read.
Is Blade celebrated or a part of the culture in the manner that Santa is? If Jesus was not white - as accepted by the vast majority of people who understand the ethnicity - then why is he depicted in movies and artwork overwhelmingly as white? What happenes when Jesus is depicted with brown skin to the masses?