DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Wife: Doctor has told me to for one month rest and leisure visit to another country..... So where are we going?
Husband: To another doctor.
Husband: To another doctor.
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Clean Jokes.
- Thread starter DawudTalut
- Start date
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Crows help make people's mood early morning. Crows cannot sing and they do not try either. They come in various sizes. They have sharp eyes. They keep changing places. They like to be around kitchens. If you see one sitting on line or wire very close to your home, with back towards you, do not be trapped, be alert.
They sit on tree branches and think about life. Far, if some one fires a gun, crows consider it as personal insult, within minutes several of them get together and make noise to the extent that the one who fired feel guilty. Crows take bath in rain. In the evening hundreds of them are seen coming back from some where. If a bigger bird come in area, they come to low flight in panic, and if you come out with a rod to repel the predator, they understand you are on their side. After the predator gone, they will look at you thankfully. Wave hand and come inside the home.
They wake up very early morning. Sometimes with long range communication they tell each other it is too early, go back to sleep, wake latter.
They sit on tree branches and think about life. Far, if some one fires a gun, crows consider it as personal insult, within minutes several of them get together and make noise to the extent that the one who fired feel guilty. Crows take bath in rain. In the evening hundreds of them are seen coming back from some where. If a bigger bird come in area, they come to low flight in panic, and if you come out with a rod to repel the predator, they understand you are on their side. After the predator gone, they will look at you thankfully. Wave hand and come inside the home.
They wake up very early morning. Sometimes with long range communication they tell each other it is too early, go back to sleep, wake latter.
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DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Lawyer to witness: Can you write and read?
Witness: I can write but not read.
Lawyer: Please take this pen and write your name.
Witness took the pen and drew some haphazard marks.
Lawyer: What did you write?
Witness: I have told you, I can write but not read.
Worker: Sir I found this currency note in your laundry.
Owner: Throw it away it is counterfeit.
Worker:That is why I brought it back.
iCHART
Witness: I can write but not read.
Lawyer: Please take this pen and write your name.
Witness took the pen and drew some haphazard marks.
Lawyer: What did you write?
Witness: I have told you, I can write but not read.
Worker: Sir I found this currency note in your laundry.
Owner: Throw it away it is counterfeit.
Worker:That is why I brought it back.
iCHART
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DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Peace be on all.
Child A: What you aim to do in life?
Child B: I shall serve doctors by being patient.
Old person: When bus stop A will come, let me know me please.
Man: Yes sir, please keep looking me, leave the bus one stop before I do.
Child A: What you aim to do in life?
Child B: I shall serve doctors by being patient.
Old person: When bus stop A will come, let me know me please.
Man: Yes sir, please keep looking me, leave the bus one stop before I do.
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Boy to mother: Is ink very expensive?
Mother: No
Boy: Then why you were so angry when I spilled some ink on sofa.
A: Every drop of rain reminds me you.
B: Yes I know, I forgot to bring your umbrella back.
Mother: No
Boy: Then why you were so angry when I spilled some ink on sofa.
A: Every drop of rain reminds me you.
B: Yes I know, I forgot to bring your umbrella back.
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
After a ship wreck, three friends reached an island. One hit a bottle [as usual], a jinn came out [as they always come], asked them to tell him only-one desire each to be fulfilled.
A's desire = Take me home.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
B's desire = Take me home.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
C's desire = I am alone here, bring both back.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
Disclaimer: only joke
A's desire = Take me home.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
B's desire = Take me home.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
C's desire = I am alone here, bring both back.
---- shoooon, fulfilled---
Disclaimer: only joke
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Akivah
Well-Known Member
An old woman is talking to her friend. "Oy, I have such trouble with these computer things. You need a password to do anything with them and I can never remember it. Does that happen to you?". Her friend replies "No, I developed the perfect solution. My password is 'INCORRECT" and now whatever I type as a password the first time, the computer tells me 'Your password is incorrect'. "
Akivah
Well-Known Member
A man and a women who had never met before are traveling on the same overnight sleeper train. The train was packed and they end up in the same compartment. The man took the top bunk and the woman got the bottom bunk. They are both a little embarrassed, but they both go to sleep. At 1AM in the morning, the man leans over and says to the woman, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm very cold. Can you please get me a blanket?" The woman looks up at him and says "I've got a much better idea, why don't we pretend that we're married?" The man says "That's a wonderful idea." To which the woman replies "Good, then get your own damn blanket."
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Peace be on all.
Baby-mosquito went for its first flight.
Upon return parents asked how was it?
It said, "Fine, everyone welcomed me by clapping when they saw me"
An engineer started a clinic.
He posted a note outside it said:
If cured pay 500 to me, if not get 1000 from me.
A person thought it was good chance to make money. He went in the clinic and said: I do not feel taste of anything.
The Doctor: Nurse! get medicine from box # 1, and give 1 drop to patient....
Nurse did so.
Patient: Oh, It is Petrol.
The Doctor: Congratulation, so you got the taste back, you are cured. Please pay me 500. Patient paid.
The person (Patient) went there again after few days, he thought he had to get money back.
Patient: My memory is not working properly.
The Doctor: Nurse, get medicine from box # 1, and give 1 drop to patient....
Patient: But last week, it was given me to cure taste!
The Doctor: Congratulation, so your memory is back, Please pay me 500. ..... Thank you, keep coming.
Baby-mosquito went for its first flight.
Upon return parents asked how was it?
It said, "Fine, everyone welcomed me by clapping when they saw me"
An engineer started a clinic.
He posted a note outside it said:
If cured pay 500 to me, if not get 1000 from me.
A person thought it was good chance to make money. He went in the clinic and said: I do not feel taste of anything.
The Doctor: Nurse! get medicine from box # 1, and give 1 drop to patient....
Nurse did so.
Patient: Oh, It is Petrol.
The Doctor: Congratulation, so you got the taste back, you are cured. Please pay me 500. Patient paid.
The person (Patient) went there again after few days, he thought he had to get money back.
Patient: My memory is not working properly.
The Doctor: Nurse, get medicine from box # 1, and give 1 drop to patient....
Patient: But last week, it was given me to cure taste!
The Doctor: Congratulation, so your memory is back, Please pay me 500. ..... Thank you, keep coming.
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DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Wife to husband: Why you did not like halwa? Children have finished three plates.
Children: Mother please send one more plate........We have one more book binding to repair.
Children: Mother please send one more plate........We have one more book binding to repair.
The same three crazy people in my last joke decided to make an ambulance out of their van. The plan is as following:
One drives, the other yells out loud "weeeeee yoooooo weeeee yooooo", and the third sits on top of the van and yells out loud "red blue red blue red blue". They couldn't afford a siren.
One drives, the other yells out loud "weeeeee yoooooo weeeee yooooo", and the third sits on top of the van and yells out loud "red blue red blue red blue". They couldn't afford a siren.
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
A person was polishing his furniture. The weather was hot but he was wearing two coats. Someone asked him the reason.
He replied, 'The instructions on the box say, Two coats are essential.'
A: If you buy clothes worth 1000 $, watch 300 $, flowers 100 $, new gadgets as seen in commercials worth 700 $ etc etc, what will be net result?
B: Our bankruptcy.
He replied, 'The instructions on the box say, Two coats are essential.'
A: If you buy clothes worth 1000 $, watch 300 $, flowers 100 $, new gadgets as seen in commercials worth 700 $ etc etc, what will be net result?
B: Our bankruptcy.
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DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Peace be on all.
A person went to restaurant, and ordered bread only, it was brought. He started eating it by dipping each piece in empty bowl.
Someone asked him what he was doing?
He said: I am a professor of mathematics, i am supposing there is curry in bowl.
A person went to restaurant, and ordered bread only, it was brought. He started eating it by dipping each piece in empty bowl.
Someone asked him what he was doing?
He said: I am a professor of mathematics, i am supposing there is curry in bowl.
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DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Child: Father when you would fail the exam what grandfather would do to you.
Father: He was always very angry with me for that.
Child: And when grandfather (as child) would fail?...
Father: Same, his father was very angry...
Child: If you cooperate with me, we can end this terrorism now!
Father: He was always very angry with me for that.
Child: And when grandfather (as child) would fail?...
Father: Same, his father was very angry...
Child: If you cooperate with me, we can end this terrorism now!
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
A mother was singing lullaby to crying child.
Voice came from neighbor, 'child was doing better'.
Chicken to its mother: When human are born, soon a name is given to them, but why we get a name after we pass away, like chicken-roast, chicken-curry, Barbecue-chicken, Chicken-soup etc.
Judge: Why was you arrested?
Accused: Sir, for shopping.
J: When was you shopping?
A: Sir, before the shop was opened.
A: Name the place where there are lot of people but one feels alone.
B: Examination Hall.
Voice came from neighbor, 'child was doing better'.
Chicken to its mother: When human are born, soon a name is given to them, but why we get a name after we pass away, like chicken-roast, chicken-curry, Barbecue-chicken, Chicken-soup etc.
Judge: Why was you arrested?
Accused: Sir, for shopping.
J: When was you shopping?
A: Sir, before the shop was opened.
A: Name the place where there are lot of people but one feels alone.
B: Examination Hall.
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
Peace be on you.
A: When I gave 12 bananas to an elephant, it refused to eat 12th, why?
B: Because its stomach was filled.
A: NO, 12th banana was made of plastic.
Next Day
A: When I gave 12 bananas to an elephant, it did not eat any of those bananas, why?
B: Because all bananas were made of plastic.
A: No, the elephant was made of plastic.
A: When I gave 12 bananas to an elephant, it refused to eat 12th, why?
B: Because its stomach was filled.
A: NO, 12th banana was made of plastic.
Next Day
A: When I gave 12 bananas to an elephant, it did not eat any of those bananas, why?
B: Because all bananas were made of plastic.
A: No, the elephant was made of plastic.
DawudTalut
Peace be upon you.
A villager and city-dweller were seeing a film. Hero was riding a galloping horse.
City-dweller: Hero will fall.
Villager: No, never.
After sometime, Hero fell from horse.
City-dweller: Did not I said so?
Villager: Actually, I had seen the film yesterday, I thought, by now Hero would have gotten some sense.
Lawyer 1 to Lawyer 2: Do you know, my client did what? I won his acquittal him from counterfeit currency notes case.
Lawyer 2: No, what did he do?
Lawyer 1: After release he gave those notes to me as fee.
Doctor: What is the problem?
Patient: I have chest pain.
D: Do you smoke cigarette?
P: Yes, but bring a good brand.
FREE SERVICE
City-dweller: Hero will fall.
Villager: No, never.
After sometime, Hero fell from horse.
City-dweller: Did not I said so?
Villager: Actually, I had seen the film yesterday, I thought, by now Hero would have gotten some sense.
Lawyer 1 to Lawyer 2: Do you know, my client did what? I won his acquittal him from counterfeit currency notes case.
Lawyer 2: No, what did he do?
Lawyer 1: After release he gave those notes to me as fee.
Doctor: What is the problem?
Patient: I have chest pain.
D: Do you smoke cigarette?
P: Yes, but bring a good brand.
FREE SERVICE
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