Clean Jokes.

[DawudTalut]

Customer:Today there is a smell in meat curry.
The chef: It should be good smell because we washed the meat with good soap.


Teacher: Please point out Antarctica at the map.
Student 1: Here it is.
Teacher: Right, now who discovered it?
Student 2: Student 1 did it.


A truck was being towed by another truck by chain.
Someone commented: Amazing, a chain is being carried by two trucks.

 

[DawudTalut]

Psychologist: Congratulation your cure has been completed.
Person: What is good about it? I used to be world-champion, now I am an ordinary person.


Story writer saw house-keeper burning some papers: Did you burn my useful papers?
House keeper: No I am not that much illiterate, I have burnt the written ones only, I left the blank ones.


Survey-maker: How many people work in you office?
Person: 3 or 4 among 100.

 

[DawudTalut]

There are some people who do not rest. They go to home as if they are going to office or they are tourist. Every year they buy lots of books but have no time to read more than four or five pages. They have families but they never eat together......They lack time.



(Non handsome rich) man to artist: The portrait, you will draw of mine, will it be beautiful?
Artist (in low tone): Yes sir, do not worry, when you will see it you will not recognize it is you.


***staff edit, per poster's request***

 

[Smart_Guy]

Where do mechanics sleep?

Under their beds!

 

[DawudTalut]

============
Non Joke Area
============
A Solution

DailyTech - Ford Combats Collisions With Lane Keeping Tech, In-Car Coffee Suggestion

 

[DawudTalut]

A: If you turn the fan-switch to on and it does not rotate, what does it mean?
B: It means if have not payed electricity bill.


Student in hostel / dorm to friend: I have been deceived.
Friend: How?
Stdnt: I asked my family to send money for books. They sent me books.


Person to postman: Is there any letter for me?
Postman: What is your name?
Person: It will be on the letter.



Business owner to employee: If you work hard with punctuality, one day you will progress. See! I came here as employee, today I own this business.
Employee sadly: Sir these days, simple men like your ex-owner are not available.


Servant: I am leaving the job.
Master: Why?
S: Because you do not trust me.
M: Why not, all my keys remain on table all the time.
S: But none opens the Safe-box.


A: What is difference between reality and imagination.
B: Parents are telling the child to sit and study and not to go out to play, it is reality, but if they think child is listening (there is noise outside children playing) it is their imagination.

 

[Wirey]

What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?

Sanka.

 

[DawudTalut]

A: If you do 2 minus 2, what is left?
B: I did not understand the question.
A: Ok, if you have 2 bananas, you ate both, what are you left with?
B: Peelings.
A: Try again, if you have 2 new dresses, you gave these to your friends, what do you have now?
B: Old clothes.
A: See this way, If you have 2 breads, you ate both, what you have now?
B: Omelette.



Three friends were riding a motor cycle.
Police officer waved them to stop.
Driver: Leave aside sir, no more room.


A Definition of Clean Room
A clear path from door to table and chair.

 

[DawudTalut]

Old person was tapping on thick snow with stick and walking.
Local boy offered his service to show him the path.
Old man said: Thank you, But I am trying to find my car which I parked somewhere here few hours ago.


In WW1, a wife wrote to husband who was on front lines:
W: There is no labourer available in village all men have been taken for war, now I shall have to plough the ground.
H wrote back: Never do this mistake, there are weapons hidden in ground.
The letter was censored, field was ploughed!


A person just retired from post office. A gathering was convened in his honour.
In the end, post master general asked him if he wants to say how was his experience here.
Retired man: It was good but i request when you send my pension money, please do not send it through this mail service.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on all.
A: Chemical formula of water is H2O.
A: Now please show us how to write it.
B: H I J K L M N O.


A: Why you are doing multiplication problem on floor.
B: Because I was told not to use table.


A: How do you spell ice cream?
B: Aic Kreem.
A: Wrong!
B: You asked, how do I spell it, I like to spell this way.


Child: Is it true elders have more knowledge than their children?
Father: Yes.
C: Then why bulb was not invented by father of Edison.

 

[DawudTalut]

 

[DawudTalut]

A: They look same, are they twins?
B: No, they were clients of same plastic-surgeon.

A: Name an animal which can live inside and outside water?
B: Frog.
A: Other than that?
B: Another frog.

 

[DawudTalut]

Telephone of a librarian rang at one'o clock in the night and Mr. A asked: At what time in the morning your library will be open?
Angry librarian: Why? Do you want to be the first person to enter the library?
A:No, I am still in the library, you locked me in.

Interviewer to a skin specialist doctor: Why did you choose this area of medicine?
Skin specialist: For three reasons: my patients do not wake me up at night, they do not die due to this problem, thirdly they never get cured.


Hotel manager to tourist: The rent of this is special room is 500 (currency) more than others because you can see far from its window.
Tourist: My sight to see far is weak, please less 500.


A: I can cook two dishes great; chicken curry and carrot-halwa. Here these are. Enjoy.
B: But tell me, which one is which?


A: Once I and my friend decided that we would inform each other about their respective weaknesses.
B: Result? Did you both improve?
A: No. We have not spoken with each other since 7 years after that.


A book rewiew:
The writer has menssioned some ways to liv a life in this fast eera according to his understanding...... He explains warious ways to do korruption, how to grab others' things, how to hide after starting brawl among two groups, how to forget others after getting gifts from them, how to cell obsolete items etc....... The writer mentions one of his international experiense when, once in foregn land, he was unable to find a seat in a crowded train compartment, he went out and came back and after a while yelled, snake, snake. Soon he found a full seat and slept wel but next morning he felt same surrounding outside, first he thought all station are same in this part of world but then he felt something was wrong. He asked and people told him last night a snake was reported in this compartment so it was disconnected and the train left without it. The writer draws lot of lesons from the incident.....The writer has great knowledge about sinking boats. He tells it is always useful to make another hole on the opposite end as outlet for the water which comes in from a hole in the boat.......In the last chapter, however, writer warns harms of such life style.

There is good dictionary given at the end of the book, if anyone feels neeed of using it.

To know all these matters you have to get your copy as free down load by following the instructions. There are some charges for pressing few e-buttons and your progeny will continue to pay for that. But remember this book is free for you. Supply is limited as usual.


Non-Joke
Bike Washing machine

http://www.techly.com.au/2015/04/20/cycle-way-clean-laundry-bike-washing-machine/

 

[Shadow of Liberty]

Q: What happens when you try to become one with everything?

A: You get blamed for everything.

 

[Brickjectivity]

he he he. Ok what happens when you get blamed for everything? Just about everything.

 

[DawudTalut]

 

[Shadow of Liberty]

A pirate walks into a bar and the young bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
The pirate says, "What're you say'n, Lad?"
So the bartender says, "That wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "I was out on me ship one day fix'n me plank and I fell in the water, a shark came and took me leg right off."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "Me brother and I was show'n off in front of some girlies, we was sword fighting you see, and he accidentally cut off me hand. Now I got this here hook, and me feel great."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "I went out for a stroll one day, beautiful day, and I looked up, and a bird shat in right in me eye."
"So how can you lose an eye from just bird poop?", replied the bartender.
"Well," says the pirate, "I wasn't used to having me hook just yet."

 

[Milton Platt]

Can you explain the dancing angels on the pin? My mind is messed up with Muslim Atheism's theories and maybe that's why I didn't find it funny .

Yes, elders in the Christain church used to argue useless concepts like how many angels could fit on the head of a pin. It signifies a waste of time and energy because even if one could arrive at some answer, the answer has no use or purpose.

 

[Wu Wei]

Why do cowboys ride horses?

They're to heavy to carry

 

[Godobeyer]

An old woman is talking to her friend. "Oy, I have such trouble with these computer things. You need a password to do anything with them and I can never remember it. Does that happen to you?". Her friend replies "No, I developed the perfect solution. My password is 'INCORRECT" and now whatever I type as a password the first time, the computer tells me 'Your password is incorrect'. "

as you know we Algerians had weak English .

I remember a true story , i was in cybercafee ,so server man "say pff , i scan my PC by antivirus many times, it's say same result " (THERE IS NO VIRUS FOUND)" !!! ,damn it, my antivirus can't delete "virus found" , it's pasted in my PC .

he thought the "virus" called "found"