Hmmm...it's been a while since I handed out you heathens any lessons in speaking proper Aussie. Perhaps it's time. After all, I've got a pile of work I'm supposed to be doing, and shirking it by doing something else entirely is about as Australian as they come. (Granted, shirking work by surfing a religious education website is a little less typical...ahem...)
Lesson Seven - Understanding the States of Australia
There are a couple of ways the states of Australia can be understood. Interestingly, most sites only provide ONE. This is why, despite the hefty pricetag, paying for my premium language course is really the only way to go.
I'm just covering 4 states. Once I receive a money order, I can send you information on the remaining states and territories. Promise.
First, here is the stereotypical crap you'd normally get. It's still useful, mostly as a way to **** off an Aussie by using these stereotypes.
New South Wales - Most populated state in Australia, these guys love the beach, and are pretty convinced that;
a) Their **** doesn't stink
b) Channeling said **** into Bondi is therefore quite okay.
c) They are the best state in Australia
Capital is Sydney, which is the one with the weird, but cool Opera building, and the famous, but mostly traffic-jammed bridge.
Queensland - Most Northern state in Australia. The heat affects these guys in multiple ways.
a) They tend to be a little slow on the uptake.
b) They commonly favour redneck politicians
c) Their women commonly wander golden beaches with an absence of clothing
Over the years, (c) has effectively distracted people from (a) and (b). Capital is Brisbane. You might have heard of it. Then again, maybe not.
Victoria - Victorians have a chip on their shoulder about New South Wales. They are sports mad, big on shopping and the arts, and generally beset by crap weather.
Capital - Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, and home to the MCG, which is clearly the sporting Mecca of the universe. Also home to the AFL (Aussie Rules) which will one day be appreciated by the heathen masses, but for now is all ours.
Tasmania - The little island off the south coast, it's the coldest and wettest place in Australia. For this reason, we generally forgive them for the fact that cousins seem to be overly affectionate, and too many people share a surname PRIOR to getting married.
Very pretty, a bit old-fashioned, and hoping to one day be just like a real state, Tasmania is barely more civilized than New Zealand, but still...it's kinda cool.
Capital - Hobart, which has the charm of a small town, the population of a small town, the infrastructure of a small town, and still somehow manages to be the biggest city in the state.
=========================================================
So...now for the NON-stereotypical truth. The actual, honest to goodness facts, rather than the generic rubbish I listed above. Here it comes...you ready???
=========================================================
New South Wales - Most populated state in Australia, these guys love the beach, and are pretty convinced that;
a) Their **** doesn't stink
b) Channeling said **** into Bondi is therefore quite okay.
c) They are the best state in Australia
Capital is Sydney, which is the one with the weird, but cool Opera building, and the famous, but mostly traffic-jammed bridge.
Queensland - Most Northern state in Australia. The heat affects these guys in multiple ways.
a) They tend to be a little slow on the uptake.
b) They commonly favour redneck politicians
c) Their women commonly wander golden beaches with an absence of clothing
Over the years, (c) has effectively distracted people from (a) and (b). Capital is Brisbane. You might have heard of it. Then again, maybe not.
Victoria - Victorians are frigging awesome, and have carried the rest of the country for years. They are sports mad, big on shopping and the arts, and the chosen people of any God you might choose to mention. Bad weather is common, which is God's way of keeping Victorian's humble.
Capital - Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, and home to the MCG, which is clearly the sporting Mecca of the universe. Also home to the AFL (Aussie Rules) which will one day be appreciated by the heathen masses, but for now is all ours.
Tasmania - The little island off the south coast, it's the coldest and wettest place in Australia. For this reason, we generally forgive them for the fact that cousins seem to be overly affectionate, and too many people share a surname PRIOR to getting married.
Very pretty, a bit old-fashioned, and hoping to one day be just like a real state, Tasmania is barely more civilized than New Zealand, but still...it's kinda cool.
Capital - Hobart, which has the charm of a small town, the population of a small town, the infrastructure of a small town, and still somehow manages to be the biggest city in the state.
=======================================================
See? Much more accurate and realistic.
Lesson Seven - Understanding the States of Australia
There are a couple of ways the states of Australia can be understood. Interestingly, most sites only provide ONE. This is why, despite the hefty pricetag, paying for my premium language course is really the only way to go.
I'm just covering 4 states. Once I receive a money order, I can send you information on the remaining states and territories. Promise.
First, here is the stereotypical crap you'd normally get. It's still useful, mostly as a way to **** off an Aussie by using these stereotypes.
New South Wales - Most populated state in Australia, these guys love the beach, and are pretty convinced that;
a) Their **** doesn't stink
b) Channeling said **** into Bondi is therefore quite okay.
c) They are the best state in Australia
Capital is Sydney, which is the one with the weird, but cool Opera building, and the famous, but mostly traffic-jammed bridge.
Queensland - Most Northern state in Australia. The heat affects these guys in multiple ways.
a) They tend to be a little slow on the uptake.
b) They commonly favour redneck politicians
c) Their women commonly wander golden beaches with an absence of clothing
Over the years, (c) has effectively distracted people from (a) and (b). Capital is Brisbane. You might have heard of it. Then again, maybe not.
Victoria - Victorians have a chip on their shoulder about New South Wales. They are sports mad, big on shopping and the arts, and generally beset by crap weather.
Capital - Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, and home to the MCG, which is clearly the sporting Mecca of the universe. Also home to the AFL (Aussie Rules) which will one day be appreciated by the heathen masses, but for now is all ours.
Tasmania - The little island off the south coast, it's the coldest and wettest place in Australia. For this reason, we generally forgive them for the fact that cousins seem to be overly affectionate, and too many people share a surname PRIOR to getting married.
Very pretty, a bit old-fashioned, and hoping to one day be just like a real state, Tasmania is barely more civilized than New Zealand, but still...it's kinda cool.
Capital - Hobart, which has the charm of a small town, the population of a small town, the infrastructure of a small town, and still somehow manages to be the biggest city in the state.
=========================================================
So...now for the NON-stereotypical truth. The actual, honest to goodness facts, rather than the generic rubbish I listed above. Here it comes...you ready???
=========================================================
New South Wales - Most populated state in Australia, these guys love the beach, and are pretty convinced that;
a) Their **** doesn't stink
b) Channeling said **** into Bondi is therefore quite okay.
c) They are the best state in Australia
Capital is Sydney, which is the one with the weird, but cool Opera building, and the famous, but mostly traffic-jammed bridge.
Queensland - Most Northern state in Australia. The heat affects these guys in multiple ways.
a) They tend to be a little slow on the uptake.
b) They commonly favour redneck politicians
c) Their women commonly wander golden beaches with an absence of clothing
Over the years, (c) has effectively distracted people from (a) and (b). Capital is Brisbane. You might have heard of it. Then again, maybe not.
Victoria - Victorians are frigging awesome, and have carried the rest of the country for years. They are sports mad, big on shopping and the arts, and the chosen people of any God you might choose to mention. Bad weather is common, which is God's way of keeping Victorian's humble.
Capital - Melbourne, Australia's second largest city, and home to the MCG, which is clearly the sporting Mecca of the universe. Also home to the AFL (Aussie Rules) which will one day be appreciated by the heathen masses, but for now is all ours.
Tasmania - The little island off the south coast, it's the coldest and wettest place in Australia. For this reason, we generally forgive them for the fact that cousins seem to be overly affectionate, and too many people share a surname PRIOR to getting married.
Very pretty, a bit old-fashioned, and hoping to one day be just like a real state, Tasmania is barely more civilized than New Zealand, but still...it's kinda cool.
Capital - Hobart, which has the charm of a small town, the population of a small town, the infrastructure of a small town, and still somehow manages to be the biggest city in the state.
=======================================================
See? Much more accurate and realistic.
