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I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?
- Thread starter Ruadri Canmore
- Start date
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Not sure what you mean by this but hey, I'll go with it.
If I focused on IQ alone, or tried to find a mate who was as "smart" as me, or "smarter," in the areas of intelligence in which I excel, it'd be pretty tough for me to find a mate, to be honest. But I know the pitfalls to my own gifts and talents, and I'm not so sure I want to load a relationship up with a double does of those!
One thing I've come to realize is that there are many different manifestations of intelligence, and only some of those manifestations can be measured scientifically. Some people can ace an IQ test but be socially deficient, or have no understanding, for instance, of customer service or sales, or a type of humor that someone else may seek out. Hell, sometimes a person with a "high IQ" doesn't have a lick of common sense, or good character for that matter - and those two elements are critical when it comes to success in life, and relationships.
I read so much, on so many different topics, that some people tend to think I'm a lot smarter than I really am - and I've intimidated a lot of men, unintentionally, in my lifetime.
If you asked my husband today if he thinks I'm smarter than him, he really just might say yes and mean it. But I can assure you - that's not the case at all, even if it were true "on paper" (he hasn't had his IQ tested professionally so I really don't know if it is true or not).
My husband - with his simple likes and dislikes, his love of football and George Strait and ZZ Top, and BBQ ribs and Winston Lights - is a freaking GENIUS when it comes to several critical things: managing people, the technical aspects of his job (especially anything involving spatial and conceptual issues), fair mindedness and kindness, self confidence, expressing himself, and a sense of humor that trips every one of my circuits.
There's no IQ test for any of those traits (with the exception of the spatial/conceptual stuff) - but those traits are what have made him the successful man he is today - and the man I love with all my heart.
I think having four kids, with a wide range of IQs (and the one with the highest IQ also has a pretty severe learning disability) has also taught me that there's a lot more to intelligence than an IQ score.
Some of the most awkward, and frankly weird, people I know are those with high IQs.
That being said, I do think it's important in a relationship to at least be able to RELATE to each other - and for both parties to have enough self confidence not to feel threatened by a perceived difference in intelligence level.
My mom and dad come to my mind. My father has a genius level IQ and a lightning fast mind. He's a conceptual thinker and very witty to boot. My mother is a beauty, and very talented artistically, but she doesn't have a genius level IQ. She is a much slower, more methodical thinker. For decades, I think this caused a real problem between them - but not from my DAD - from my MOM. She's no idiot - she's just not a genius. For a long time, I think she felt this disparity and somehow took it personally. I think it really frustrated her. However, over time, she has relaxed and just accepted his intelligence for the gift that it is, and has learned to enjoy how it can better both their lives. She has finally reached a stage in her life where she can be proud of him without feeling threatened or overshadowed -but this has only become possible because my father builds her up and brags on her and constantly strokes her ego - compensating for her feelings of, I guess, insecurity. It has taken a lot of patience on his part - and I know it's been difficult for her as well.
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Me Myself
Back to my username
The inteligence I would definetely need for a woman in a romantic relationship is emotional. If she gots it even better than me, then even better ! 
I tend to like smart women, but I´ve long come to the conclusion the most important thing is that I enjoy her company , have fun with her, and can have an adult relationship (back to emotional inteligence)
I have little to no experience with dating I must say. I just ended this sunday with my gf (now Ex ) and more emotional inteligence on her part would have made the relationship either survive and be healthier, or both of us be healthier having break up a pair of months sooner.
edit: I obviously need to feel atracted to her physically . She doesn´t need to make me drool, a pretty face and reasonably good body (obviously for my tastes) goes a long way in that.
I tend to like smart women, but I´ve long come to the conclusion the most important thing is that I enjoy her company , have fun with her, and can have an adult relationship (back to emotional inteligence)
I have little to no experience with dating I must say. I just ended this sunday with my gf (now Ex
) and more emotional inteligence on her part would have made the relationship either survive and be healthier, or both of us be healthier having break up a pair of months sooner.edit: I obviously need to feel atracted to her physically
. She doesn´t need to make me drool, a pretty face and reasonably good body (obviously for my tastes) goes a long way in that.
While i know that you're possibly joking rather than being serious with this post, i must say that in the case that you're serious, i disagree wholeheartedly. I've seen this conclusion made quite often, which is why i think there's a good chance you're actually serious.
Both men and women appreciate and are attracted to physical appearance, and to personality traits. It differs between people (both men and women) what and how much they need in the personality aspect to be attracted to someone. Not between one gender and the other, just between people in general.
You can find plenty of men who are extremely attracted to women who do not have the physical appearance that appeals to them.
Chisti
Active Member
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
Honestly all a "high IQ" tells you... is that you know how to take tests well.
IQ (except in cases where cognitive dysfunction is being assessed) is generally recognized as a metric with little broad application.
Intelligent intelligence testing
It certainly gives some peoples egos a stroke though.
wa:do
IQ (except in cases where cognitive dysfunction is being assessed) is generally recognized as a metric with little broad application.
Intelligent intelligence testing
It certainly gives some peoples egos a stroke though.
wa:do
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
They're a good measure of ability to excel at academic work from what I've seen. From what I've heard, some people who actually are able become proficient at the material they're studying just have trouble demonstrating it on test. How many people who have trouble passing tests or couldn't score an A to save their life really have a firm grasp of the material? I'd put my money on "not many". I'll give you this much however, some of the people that score great on IQ and/or excel at academic work couldn't figure their way out of a wet paper bag when it comes to trying to read someone they're talking to or figuring out how to influence people with their speech in an effective way.
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Koldo
Outstanding Member
No single character trait does that... Which has been, and continues to be, my point from the beginning.
Looks may get you a date... but if your personality clashes with your date, you're not likely getting another. No amount of blaming the other person is going to change that.
wa:do
Shame on me for not taking into consideration how sentences can have completely different meanings depending on who is reading them.
In my city/state ( and perhaps in my country ), when someone says that 'X is sexy' and X is a trait, it necessarily entails that a person that possesses X is sexy unless this person possesses other traits that are a turn-off. By turn-off, i mean anything that could potentially prevent you from becoming sexually aroused. On the other hand, when someone says 'X is VERY sexy', it means this trait is even good enough for you to disregard some other traits that would be a turn-off. This is how those sentences are understood around here in general. Period. Coming from that perspective i ended up not taking into consideration you could have a different comprehension to what those sentences mean.
By the way, regarding the bolded parts, I didn't ask if you would date that person nor if you would be willing to engage into a relationship with him . I asked you whether you would find him sexy. There are people that i find sexy, but that i wouldn't even want to date with.
nnmartin
Well-Known Member
are you sure you haven't left anything of the list?:sarcastic
Talk about being particular!
What does the lucky guy get in return I must ask...
Boy, you must be the god of the old testament in the dating world.
She was listing the things she's attracted to in general, not the basic requirements that must be in a man for her to date him.
Let me get this straight, Martin. You are actually trying to tell someone that her preferences in men are too picky? And your opinion in this matter is relevant because...why?
Ditto.
nnmartin
Well-Known Member
Way too picky!
It's like Mr Perfect fantasy man.
To get a man like that you would have to be the perfect woman.
god meets goddess perhaps.
Hmmm...As it happens, I lack any of the qualities on your list, but I do have a really neat riding lawnmower that I keep well maintained -- is there hope?
I figure if she wants to be picky, that's her business, and I don't fancy myself in a position to criticize her. But apparently, you do fancy yourself in such a position. Is that because you fancy yourself her guide in life? Just checkin'
nnmartin
Well-Known Member
anyone who feels bold enough to come up with such a statement must be prepared to deal with the criticism
If I declared that any girlfriend would have to be: - very long list of positive attributes -
I would expect some questioning.
it's called overblown sense of entitlement - or self-aggrandizement!