I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?

[Sunstone]

anyone who feels bold enough to come up with such a statement must be prepared to deal with the criticism

If I declared that any girlfriend would have to be: - very long list of positive attributes -

I would expect some questioning.

it's called overblown sense of entitlement - or self-aggrandizement!

Interesting. How do you counter criticisms that you're a busybody? Or do you?

 

[nnmartin]

well this is an open section of the board, so anyone joining in the debate would have to be a busybody - yourself included!

 

[Sunstone]

well this is an open section of the board, so anyone joining in the debate would have to be a busybody - yourself included!

Might sound good on paper, but I'm not sure it flies.

 

[Storm]

anyone who feels bold enough to come up with such a statement must be prepared to deal with the criticism

If I declared that any girlfriend would have to be: - very long list of positive attributes -

I would expect some questioning.

it's called overblown sense of entitlement - or self-aggrandizement!

That's not what she said.

well this is an open section of the board, so anyone joining in the debate would have to be a busybody - yourself included!

No, really not.

 

[Badran]

Way too picky!

It's like Mr Perfect fantasy man.

To get a man like that you would have to be the perfect woman.

god meets goddess perhaps.

Did you for some reason miss my last post?

Also, what she described isn't actually a perfect man, just a man with very specific attributes, and plenty of positive traits.

I can come up with plenty of more things that she hasn't listed.

and how can you have 'boldness, courage and vulnerability' at the same time?

Vulnerability doesn't mean cowardice.

I thought vulnerability was what turned women off anyway

That's what happens when you generalize your conclusions to all of the opposite sex.

 

[Badran]

anyone who feels bold enough to come up with such a statement must be prepared to deal with the criticism

If I declared that any girlfriend would have to be: - very long list of positive attributes -

I would expect some questioning.

it's called overblown sense of entitlement - or self-aggrandizement!

Take it easy on yourself, you needn't feel so bad just because her list is so impressive.

If you think hard enough, you'll realize that you too have plenty of characteristics that you're attracted to, and that her list is specific rather than perfect.

I don't think its needed to minimize one's list of things they're attracted to just to convey some false sense of humbleness or not being too demanding. Or to avoid hurting other people's egos.

 

[Debater Slayer]

A woman should be happy with a man who is filled with the Joy - like myself for instance!

Different women are attracted to different types of personalities in men and vice versa. There is no ''should'' when it comes to individual preferences.

 

[Koldo]

She was listing the things she's attracted to in general, not the basic requirements that must be in a man for her to date him.

If one had to meet all those requirements, she might all try to find some kryptonite before getting to meet this person ( vulnerability would fit so nicely into this scheme ).

Before someone replies to me: If you can't take a joke for what it is, please don't reply to this post.

 

[Penumbra]

I'm rather picky, and I think that's a good thing.

It is not easy for me to be very attracted to someone.

 

[Kathryn]

I'm rather picky, and I think that's a good thing.

It is not easy for me to be very attracted to someone.

Right on.

I mean, I am often appreciative of the qualities in men, but that doesn't often equal "attraction."

I'm certainly no "man hater," though - I like most men. I think most of them are funny, whether they mean to be or not.

One of the traits I find most endearing is a certain "little boy quality" that one often finds in very strong, competent men when they let their guard down and show their tender underbelly. THAT makes me go weak in the knees!

 

[MissAlice]

Different women are attracted to different types of personalities in men and vice versa. There is no ''should'' when it comes to individual preferences.

This.

As for myself I've never really been attracted in what is considered normal or mainstream for women or what most assume of women. I'm not big on muscles in fact too much scares me, I would rather a guy have some humility than a genius with a high IQ who drives a fancy car and makes large sums of money. But different strokes for different folks.

 

[painted wolf]

Bwahahaha :biglaugh:

I love it... "nice guys" whine they don't know what a woman wants.... a woman gives a list of her ideal personality traits in choosing a potential mate and all the "nice guys" start whining that she's being to picky.

We aren't just going to date anyone with a Y chromosome because you ask.
If someone doesn't want to date you then suck it up and act like you have a pair.

We have no obligation to be interested in you for any reason. Especially if you're whiny, critical, passive aggressive jerks.

wa:do

 

[Father Heathen]

It's not that women like jerks over nice guys, it's that girls like assertive, confident guys over submissive, servile doormats who lack self-respect.

One needn't be a jerk to be confident and assertive. Likewise one needn't be submissive, servile and devoid of self-respect to be nice.

 

[painted wolf]

It's not that women like jerks over nice guys, it's that girls like assertive, confident guys over submissive, servile doormats who lack self-respect.

One needn't be a jerk to be confident and assertive. Likewise one needn't be submissive, servile and devoid of self-respect to be nice.

Exactly.

Assertive doesn't mean domineering or pushy and nice doesn't mean socially awkward.

wa:do

 

[Koldo]

It's not that women like jerks over nice guys, it's that girls like assertive, confident guys over submissive, servile doormats who lack self-respect.

One needn't be a jerk to be confident and assertive. Likewise one needn't be submissive, servile and devoid of self-respect to be nice.

I agree with you.

However, i think much of the frustation that some men feel is that many girls would prefer a confident jerk over the gentle nice guy who lacks self-confidence.

 

[Father Heathen]

However, i think much of the frustation that some men feel is that many girls would prefer a confident jerk over the gentle nice guy who lacks self-confidence.

Well, in most cases I imagine that it's just the result of them being young, dumb and naive. However, the problem is when they go from one abusive relationship to the next without reevaluating their tastes and standards. They get badly hurt by some trashy scumbag, but instead of it registering in their brains that "trashy scumbags = bad" as a result, they instead date them exclusively. I guess it's some sort of self-esteem thing.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I agree with you.

However, i think much of the frustation that some men feel is that many girls would prefer a confident jerk over the gentle nice guy who lacks self-confidence.

Some men? Many girls?

How many women here have given any of the guys here that impression? Has anyone listened to the women here?

*taps microphone* Test. Test. Just seeing if this is working....

 

[Koldo]

Some men? Many girls?

How many women here have given any of the guys here that impression? Has anyone listened to the women here?

*taps microphone* Test. Test. Just seeing if this is working....

None.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

None.

So where do they get that impression? Are they often attracted to the damsel in distress and then believe that all women are like that?

Maybe I have the luxury of being bi, and all I know is that the women I am attracted to and am friendly towards have no obligation to be with me....zero obligation, na-da, goose egg, NONE. I only wish to enjoy their company and their beauty.

 

[Koldo]

So where do they get that impression? Are they often attracted to the damsel in distress and then believe that all women are like that?

From observations.

Maybe I have the luxury of being bi, and all I know is that the women I am attracted to and am friendly towards have no obligation to be with me....zero obligation, na-da, goose egg, NONE. I only wish to enjoy their company and their beauty.

I could say the same as the bolded part. Not only that, I guess i don't know anyone who thinks otherwise.