-
Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Access to private conversations with other members.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!
I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?
- Thread starter Ruadri Canmore
- Start date
MissAlice
Well-Known Member
Cute girl he's got there. She doesn't seem too bothered by that sweater!
Probably grew up watching Mr Rogers.
Night Kathryn.
Alceste
Vagabond
But this type of blindness is common to damaged, screwed up people regardless of gender. My friend, for example, LOVES to complain about how women are crazy ever since one of his girlfriends left him to move in with a friend in another city, telling him she was going home to Australia, and told all his friends there he was beating her up so they wouldn't tell him where she was.
My opinion, how did he not NOTICE she was a freaking lunatic from the moment he clapped eyes on her? I sure noticed. I noticed the exact same thing about the next girl he fell head over heels for, right about the time she was interrogating me in an extremely hostile fashion about the nature and history of my friendship with him. That was their second date. Shortly thereafter, she forbade him from having any female friends. What did he do when she eventually dumped him and subjected him to emotional torture for months afterward, calling him for sex, then complaining how bored she was and how she couldn't wait to meet somebody interesting? He complained about it.
My friend DEFINITELY does not like nice girls. He doesn't even notice them. He likes freaking lunatics. Should I then conclude that ALL men have a tendency to prefer freaking lunatics, or is this just one guy I know who happens to have terrible taste in women?
Jacksnyte
Reverend
Sounds like he wants excitement, and picks girls he finds exciting, only to find the dysfunction that often accompanies it after the fact. I have been there myself quite a bit, and it can create other broken people, who then create more, etc. It is a cycle that one has to become aware of, and then make a conscious decision to break.
MissAlice
Well-Known Member
Wow your story sounds a lot like my neighbor who's recently been evicted. He'd be with one girl and then after a week or so it was over with. It was an ongoing pattern. He'd come over and say this was the one, this was the girl. What most of these girls had in common, they were much much younger than himself and every time they'd get to drinking, the fights would begin. I remember him telling me how rare it was to find a girl who didn't drink or use men yet here was popping and drinking beer like it was water. I remember one girl he wanted me to meet, I could already see she wasn't exactly the ideal girl I'd want if I were a guy but I think he had a thing for exciting drama queens. If being rude and telling me based on my plain jane appearances as to why I was single by this girl wasn't a red flag he recognized then to some extent I can't exactly blame the girl since these were the types of chicks he seem to be with all the time. I could think of nicer girls I tried setting him up with but he'd tell me they were not deep enough or understood him like the girls he dumped. Strange how some people go into these vicious cycles. I could've warned but at the time I didn't want act impolite or have more drama stirred and I doubt it would've helped any.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
Once. My ex husband. And at the time he wasn't acting like a jerk that had me swept off my feet. Most of the time, I fell for the goofy shy type.
You keep saying you weren't trying to give the OP any credibility, but I have to ask why a personal question was framed so presumptuously in favor of it.
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
I know a woman here in town who is fake from head to toe - fake boobs, fake nails, fake hair, fake tan, fake diamonds, you name it. She used to be pretty, but now at age 35 she looks "rode hard and put up wet."
In other words, she looks and walks and talks like a hoochie mama.
She is one drama after another - one husband after another - one boyfriend moving in and out after another. She has kids by various men. Don't hire her - she's sure to almost immediately file a sexual harassment lawsuit - oh, wait, she doesn't have to work because she's got child support from various men, and always got a sugar daddy on the side.
What amazes me is just that - that she's always got a man in her life, and usually one with a pretty good job.
Does this mean all men are stupid and motivated by a big set of fake boobs - or that just some men and some women are habitually stupid?
In other words, she looks and walks and talks like a hoochie mama.
She is one drama after another - one husband after another - one boyfriend moving in and out after another. She has kids by various men. Don't hire her - she's sure to almost immediately file a sexual harassment lawsuit - oh, wait, she doesn't have to work because she's got child support from various men, and always got a sugar daddy on the side.
What amazes me is just that - that she's always got a man in her life, and usually one with a pretty good job.
Does this mean all men are stupid and motivated by a big set of fake boobs - or that just some men and some women are habitually stupid?
No! Don't you see that this only proves that women are screwed up and fall for jerks all the time and that the only way to score is to act like a jerk? See? SEE? Women are to blame! Women are to blame!!!!
.
.
.
Sorry, I accidentally put on my clueless hat for a minute.
Excellent! :clap
I find it disturbing how much the OP is being criticized simply for the fact that he's wondering whether being a nice guy really is attractive to women or not.
Its understandable if one has been rejected too much despite supposedly being a nice guy, and seeing all people around him comfortably getting women, and many of those people being not so nice as he is, that they would feel a bit of frustration towards women.
Its unwarranted, and unwise, but its not necessarily because he thinks they "owe" him anything. It could just be because he's frustrated and unable to understand why not. Rejection is very heavy. Had it been that he came off like other later posts in the thread which asserted too confidently all sorts of negative stereotypes about women, all this criticism might've been understandable to me.
But i think he's more wondering, rather than asserting anything, and that its mainly due to his frustration, rather than some negative view he holds on women.
Its understandable if one has been rejected too much despite supposedly being a nice guy, and seeing all people around him comfortably getting women, and many of those people being not so nice as he is, that they would feel a bit of frustration towards women.
Its unwarranted, and unwise, but its not necessarily because he thinks they "owe" him anything. It could just be because he's frustrated and unable to understand why not. Rejection is very heavy. Had it been that he came off like other later posts in the thread which asserted too confidently all sorts of negative stereotypes about women, all this criticism might've been understandable to me.
But i think he's more wondering, rather than asserting anything, and that its mainly due to his frustration, rather than some negative view he holds on women.
Badran, from what I can read, it seems as if the frustration is muddying his thinking about what women want....
It looks like there's an expectation that because he's nice, he's owed a companion. It doesn't work that way.
And, to be blunt, everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives. What's more important is being a decent human being and the rest is taken care of.
It looks like there's an expectation that because he's nice, he's owed a companion. It doesn't work that way.
And, to be blunt, everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives. What's more important is being a decent human being and the rest is taken care of.
MissAlice
Well-Known Member
If he is he shouldn't assume women the way he did. That may be one of his problems there. As for his frustrations, well I'm in the same boat but I'm not going to assume men are all shallow jerks who only want a trophy for a girlfriend/wife. In my opinion he shouldn't be nice just because he thinks it's going to get him a woman or girl. He should be who his is and maybe with a little help like confidence and self esteem, he can be nice without using it as a means just to get women.
Also, how would a woman be viewed if she was asking the same thing in the OP? If she should be a fake ***** and act stupid while spending the man's money is what it takes to "get a man"? Because, as she muses, all men seem to go for the fake ***** that acts stupid and spend all their money.
And then there's 46 pages of whether or not a man is attracted to fake *****es who act stupid and spend all a man's money and doesn't care about genuine, real, smart, funny regular plain Jane women who live an honest life.
It's a ridiculous question and should be treated as such. This skewed and blanketed point of view should not be given any weight nor sympathy since doing so will only exacerbate his (or my hypothetical her) frustration rather than heal it.
And then there's 46 pages of whether or not a man is attracted to fake *****es who act stupid and spend all a man's money and doesn't care about genuine, real, smart, funny regular plain Jane women who live an honest life.
It's a ridiculous question and should be treated as such. This skewed and blanketed point of view should not be given any weight nor sympathy since doing so will only exacerbate his (or my hypothetical her) frustration rather than heal it.
It most certainly is.
Like i said he is wondering whether or not women are really attracted to nice guys. What i'm saying is that that, doesn't necessarily imply that he thinks they owe it to him to be with him, or any other negative views he holds on women in general (as apparent by some other posts made later by other people).
I think its more like (or at least possibly):
"Why is this happening?
I'm nice, and based on what i know women like that. Yet i'm always rejected. Is nice really as attractive, if at all, as some suggest? Or are there other factors that are what actually matter?"
Of course, i do still think this is unwise, at least in that its ignoring other possibilities. But i don't think it warrants the kind of responses he's been getting.
Of course, i agree.
The OP from what it appears is quite young, rejection is still new and tough for him. I sympathize rather than blame him. I don't think its easy to feel unwanted despite trying your best (or at least what you think is your best), especially at such an age. And especially at such environment (school).
I think you might be right. At the very least, the OP does seem to be a bit ambiguous on that point. In which case, I owe him an apology on the grounds that, when there's a choice in the matter, we should take others in good faith.