I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?

[Badran]

That's fine. I find coddling foolishness is hurtful and more unkind in the long run, but then again I could not be a nice person when the going gets rough. I mean, look at me! I carry a whip and I use it!

Well, there's a reason why people are lining up to get beat up by you, and its not just your magnificent whip.

There's something about your personality.

Look at it this way, if somebody mused they should rob a bank because they were desperate for money, I wouldn't allow that to be a possibility. In fact, I think that line of thinking is only making that person MORE frustrated because he or she is seriously letting go of certain ethics in order to get something, which compounds the self-loathing that's already there. If I hear any sort of musing into unethical behavior for personal gain when the person KNOWS it's unethical, I think it's important to call them out on it.

Frustrated or not, I stand by my statement that if anybody even lightly thinks about being a jerk to women, I have something to say about it, and sternly. Such statements are not to be taken lightly, IMO.

Like Koldo put it, i really think the guy was ranting about his thoughts in attempt to understand things, rather than actually seriously considering being a jerk. That, and the fact that even if he was, i wouldn't include that in things i meet with tough love.

I agree with you that its needed at certain times, we just differ at when that comes. I would do it when i think the person is beyond being reasonably and nicely talking to, and when and if they're about to do some serious/immediate thing that would cause damage to them and/or others.

 

[Alceste]

Eh, I haven't unsubscribed and this thread is popping up in my control panel drawing me back in.

Short note: If I see a guy in a fancy car, especially at my age, I view that as a strike against him, actually. It's not a deal breaker, but all else being equal, I'm not impressed.

Around here most of them belong to retired rich people who are having fun with their accumulated money (most of which comes from an 8 decade long property bubble). I can sort of forgive them for it because being old sucks so harsh in so many different ways. But I sure as hell don't assume there's any dating material inside.

Funny story, my father's widowed father tried to impress my mother's widowed mother by telling her how much he paid for his Mercedes. She said "Tsk - seems like an awful lot of money to pay for a car". Afterward, she went on at length, in private, about what a git he is. They're both in their 90s. Just goes to show men who misjudge what impresses the ladies often don't grow out of it, and high quality ladies never become impressed.

 

[Alceste]

Women more attracted to men in expensive cars - Telegraph

Buying a Ford is just as much a sign of bad judgment as buying a Ferrari.

 

[Alceste]

I know a woman here in town who is fake from head to toe - fake boobs, fake nails, fake hair, fake tan, fake diamonds, you name it. She used to be pretty, but now at age 35 she looks "rode hard and put up wet."

In other words, she looks and walks and talks like a hoochie mama.

She is one drama after another - one husband after another - one boyfriend moving in and out after another. She has kids by various men. Don't hire her - she's sure to almost immediately file a sexual harassment lawsuit - oh, wait, she doesn't have to work because she's got child support from various men, and always got a sugar daddy on the side.

What amazes me is just that - that she's always got a man in her life, and usually one with a pretty good job.

Does this mean all men are stupid and motivated by a big set of fake boobs - or that just some men and some women are habitually stupid?

She sounds like exactly the kind of woman that men who think showing off their wealth is a good dating strategy are trying to get - stupid as a bucket of paint, irresponsible and fake. Those types of people are made for each other.

 

[Badran]

I can sort of forgive them for it because being old sucks so harsh in so many different ways. But I sure as hell don't assume there's any dating material inside.

That sure is a great way to counter the stereotyping that's been going on.

 

[Alceste]

That sure is a great way to counter the stereotyping that's been going on.

If that's sarcasm, I really do mean it. There are so, so, so many ways that my neighbours in this community of 50% retired people are suffering. Aches, pain, constantly losing their friends and loved ones, cancer, loneliness, fear, broken bones, dementia, reduced mobility, the fear of losing their license, the fear of losing their mind and becoming dependent on others...

I sincerely don't begrudge elderly people blowing their money on expensive toys. It's not as if they can easily take up something like kite surfing or rock climbing for a hobby, and they usually have enough money tied up in their properties to cover them for the rest of their lives.

I still think it's a sign of terrible judgment when a young person buys an expensive (or even new) car, especially if it incurs debt. At the start of our adult lives, before we get married, have a family, etc. our priorities should be quite different than they are coming out the other side.

 

[Alceste]

Yep but I think a few people brought up some good points. Maybe the OP might realize not all women are the same. Personally I never understood this popular stereotype of women being attracted to jerks but maybe I'm in the women minority. :areyoucra

No, you're not. I've only met one woman in my entire life who was primarily attracted to jerks with money. She was blond, about 20, lived in an apartment paid for by a guy with money, drove a nice car bought for her by another guy with money, lived on an allowance provided by some OTHER guy with money, and insisted she wasn't sleeping with any of them. She didn't work. She just went to bars where rich men drink and they fell all over themselves giving her expensive things. She wanted to be an actress.

She didn't even like them, I don't think. She just wanted the stuff. She was also the stupidest person I've ever met in my life.

 

[Badran]

If that's sarcasm, I really do mean it. There are so, so, so many ways that my neighbours in this community of 50% retired people are suffering. Aches, pain, constantly losing their friends and loved ones, cancer, loneliness, fear, broken bones, reduced mobility, the fear of losing their license, the fear of losing their mind and becoming dependent on others...

I should've posted seriously to clarify what i mean, rather than let you guess (sorry).

I was referring to the second part (not even sure why i quoted the first part).

I sincerely don't begrudge elderly people blowing their money on expensive toys. It's not as if they can easily take up something like kite surfing or rock climbing for a hobby, and they usually have enough money tied up in their properties to cover them for the rest of their lives.

I still think it's a sign of terrible judgment when a young person buys an expensive (or even new) car, especially if it incurs debt. At the start of our adult lives, before we get married, have a family, etc. our priorities should be quite different than they are coming out the other side.

Personally, my preferences are the same as yours.

I just think its unfair to make a serious, confident assumption about the person to be lacking something (or things along those lines) solely based on that. For two reasons, one, that i can see situations where it would be reasonable to put a lot of money in car, and two, because i have a friend who's very responsible and intelligent and would buy such cars if he could, since its a passion of his.

IOW, i think its mainly a matter of priorities and preferences, and i think that even people with preferences such as yours, can be in a situation where buying such cars wouldn't be unreasonable.

 

[Kathryn]

Baldran, I'd like to point something out.

My first post on this thread was post #8. It was very kind, and I put some serious thought into it.

I got absolutely ZERO response from the guy who started the thread, and for that matter, anyone else, on that post and several other nice, kind posts I formulated, sincerely trying to help.

After awhile, I lost patience and just told 'em "how the cow ate the cabbage," (whatever the heck that means). Even then, my words were tempered by the extreme patience I have with young men, considering that I have two 20 something year old sons of my own and two 20 something stepsons. And two younger brothers. Honey, I am PATIENT with men - especially the young ones.

I do shoot straight though - like Mystic. That's not even tough love - that's just straightforward advice with the good of the other person in mind.

If all this sincere, well meant and honest advice from real women is too tough for some of the young men on this thread, then frankly - I see what their problem is, and most women with common sense would say the same thing - and run in the opposite direction as fast as they could!

It seems that it was only after page after page of sweetness and light advice that the women responding to the thread began to get irritated.

Furthermore, at the risk of sounding like a prima donna (in fact, just remove me from this next statement) if you'll look, some of the kindest and wisest female members of RF have been active on this thread.

That's some prime advice these guys are getting!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Baldran, I'd like to point something out.

My first post on this thread was post #8. It was very kind, and I put some serious thought into it.

I got absolutely ZERO response from the guy who started the thread, and for that matter, anyone else, on that post and several other nice, kind posts I formulated, sincerely trying to help.

After awhile, I lost patience and just told 'em "how the cow ate the cabbage," (whatever the heck that means). Even then, my words were tempered by the extreme patience I have with young men, considering that I have two 20 something year old sons of my own and two 20 something stepsons. And two younger brothers. Honey, I am PATIENT with men - especially the young ones.

I do shoot straight though - like Mystic. That's not even tough love - that's just straightforward advice with the good of the other person in mind.

If all this sincere, well meant and honest advice from real women is too tough for some of the young men on this thread, then frankly - I see what their problem is, and most women with common sense would say the same thing - and run in the opposite direction as fast as they could!

It seems that it was only after page after page of sweetness and light advice that the women responding to the thread began to get irritated.

Furthermore, at the risk of sounding like a prima donna (in fact, just remove me from this next statement) if you'll look, some of the kindest and wisest female members of RF have been active on this thread.

That's some prime advice these guys are getting!

I couldn't have said it better, Kathryn. After 50 pages, I think even the most saintly female is starting to lose her patience. Y'all have been wonderful explaining thoroughly what we women want from a man.

And, I'm no prima donna either. Just been around quite a bit and can smell BS before I even come close to it.

 

[Alceste]

I should've posted seriously to clarify what i mean, rather than let you guess (sorry).

I was referring to the second part (not even sure why i quoted the first part).



Personally, my preferences are the same as yours.

I just think its unfair to make a serious, confident assumption about the person to be lacking something (or things along those lines) solely based on that. For two reasons, one, that i can see situations where it would be reasonable to put a lot of money in car, and two, because i have a friend who's very responsible and intelligent and would buy such cars if he could, since its a passion of his.

IOW, i think its mainly a matter of priorities and preferences, and i think that even people with preferences such as yours, can be in a situation where buying such cars wouldn't be unreasonable.

Sure, there may be some good reason a guy has a really flashy car, but it's an obstacle to impressing me, not an asset. It makes a bad first impression, like BO or bad breath. The list of reasons I can come up with off the top of my head for buying a Ferrari are not very good ones. Likewise, the first thing that might pop into my head meeting a smelly guy would be "bad personal hygiene". If he later explains that he hasn't had a chance to wash since he spent several days in the wilderness searching for somebody else's lost child, that initial obstacle would be overcome.

 

[Alceste]

Baldran, I'd like to point something out.

My first post on this thread was post #8. It was very kind, and I put some serious thought into it.

I got absolutely ZERO response from the guy who started the thread, and for that matter, anyone else, on that post and several other nice, kind posts I formulated, sincerely trying to help.

After awhile, I lost patience and just told 'em "how the cow ate the cabbage," (whatever the heck that means). Even then, my words were tempered by the extreme patience I have with young men, considering that I have two 20 something year old sons of my own and two 20 something stepsons. And two younger brothers. Honey, I am PATIENT with men - especially the young ones.

I do shoot straight though - like Mystic. That's not even tough love - that's just straightforward advice with the good of the other person in mind.

If all this sincere, well meant and honest advice from real women is too tough for some of the young men on this thread, then frankly - I see what their problem is, and most women with common sense would say the same thing - and run in the opposite direction as fast as they could!

It seems that it was only after page after page of sweetness and light advice that the women responding to the thread began to get irritated.

Furthermore, at the risk of sounding like a prima donna (in fact, just remove me from this next statement) if you'll look, some of the kindest and wisest female members of RF have been active on this thread.

That's some prime advice these guys are getting!

Totally agree with all this. Tragically, I can't help suspecting that if the OP came back it would be the other bitter single men whose opinions affirm his own he would be listening to rather than all of us hot women who are in long term, sex-filled relationships with nice guys.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Sure, there may be some good reason a guy has a really flashy car, but it's an obstacle to impressing me, not an asset. It makes a bad first impression, like BO or bad breath. The list of reasons I can come up with off the top of my head for buying a Ferrari are not very good ones. Likewise, the first thing that might pop into my head meeting a smelly guy would be "bad personal hygiene". If he later explains that he hasn't had a chance to wash since he spent several days in the wilderness searching for somebody else's lost child, that initial obstacle would be overcome.

Same here.

I like flashy cars, but preferably I'd like to drive them myself rather than use them as a qualifier for a mate.

 

[Kathryn]

Totally agree with all this. Tragically, I can't help suspecting that if the OP came back it would be the other bitter single men whose opinions affirm his own he would be listening to rather than all of us hot women who are in long term, sex-filled relationships with nice guys.

Whoop whoop!

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Totally agree with all this. Tragically, I can't help suspecting that if the OP came back it would be the other bitter single men whose opinions affirm his own he would be listening to rather than all of us hot women who are in long term, sex-filled relationships with nice guys.

Kathryn and I are planning on heading out for several bottles of wine. Care to join us?

On second thought, after being engaged through this whole thread, I think the ladies deserve a weekend away.

 

[Kathryn]

Kathryn and I are planning on heading out for several bottles of wine. Care to join us?

On second thought, after being engaged through this whole thread, I think the ladies deserve a weekend away.

Beach, anyone? After awhile, you get used to drinking warm wine out of plastic water bottles...

 

[Alceste]

Same here.

I like flashy cars, but preferably I'd like to drive them myself rather than use them as a qualifier for a mate.

I secretly want a cherry red classic MG mini or Fiat Spider converted to run on electricity. If I had the dough to splash out on the car of my dreams, you can bet I'd make that happen. It would be flashy, sure, but it would also be cheaper to run than my current gas-fueled Neon.

 

[Alceste]

Kathryn and I are planning on heading out for several bottles of wine. Care to join us?

On second thought, after being engaged through this whole thread, I think the ladies deserve a weekend away.

Beach, anyone? After awhile, you get used to drinking warm wine out of plastic water bottles...

Sounds good. I have about six gallons of home made blackberry wine that is ready to rack - I always skim a little off the top between rackings. Happy to share, but I'm afraid I'll have to insist on mugs.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Sounds good. I have about six gallons of home made blackberry wine that is ready to rack - I always skim a little off the top between rackings. Happy to share, but I'm afraid I'll have to insist on mugs.

Sweet.

 

[Kathryn]

Sounds good. I have about six gallons of home made blackberry wine that is ready to rack - I always skim a little off the top between rackings. Happy to share, but I'm afraid I'll have to insist on mugs.

Mugs are great - I was just thinking, like if we went somewhere where they don't allow glass containers...

Homemade blackberry wine sounds FANTASTIC! Bring it!