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I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?
- Thread starter Ruadri Canmore
- Start date
jasonwill2
Well-Known Member
It only works if they are inclinded towards you in the first place, it actually makes them more horny in general as opposed to horny for you, so it can always backfire if you don't do any real-world mundane stuff like flirt to back it up.
So you still have to do some work to make sure she notices you and doesnt take the lust you filled her with and go after someone else
Father Heathen
Veteran Member
Who said that all women were like that?
Me Myself
Back to my username
I´d say most of us have at least felt it in some time.
I've heard people say that all my life.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
The bold one is the odd one in the group. How would meditation make someone more attractive? This is the first time i have heard this being said.
Oh, sweet mercy...some of the advice here is just so OFF. :biglaugh:
Know what kind of woman you want. Know who you are as a person. Then talk with women that fit your preferences and talk with them as the wonderful and delightful women that they are.
Period. Don't be a jerk.
Know what kind of woman you want. Know who you are as a person. Then talk with women that fit your preferences and talk with them as the wonderful and delightful women that they are.
Period. Don't be a jerk.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
I doubt he didn't try doing that already. And if he has been doing it the wrong way, i doubt he is going to suddenly figure it out by himself.
It's just a suggestion. It stems from exploring what interests him and makes him unique, confident, and open to new experiences. It isn't about BEING attractive, but that these traits are attractive inherently.
Women go through the same thing, btw. They want to do nips, tucks, enhancements, etc many times to be attractive for someone. Doesn't work that way.
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Desperation is soooooooo icky. And while there may not be such a thing as being too kind, there IS such a thing as being too "nice," as in too saccharine or too accommodating.
In other words, grow some kahunas. Establish your values, your expectations, and your parameters. Be sure you're realistic - you're not likely to attract a high caliber of woman if you're 30 pounds overweight, slovenly, or spend the majority of your time playing video games.
DON'T try to please women so much that you come across as desperate - this feels really, really icky to most women - unless they're predators, and you don't want one of them.
Develop some interactive interests and then pursue them. When you meet someone with similar interests, you'll actually have something to talk about and something to do together.
Hygiene is of the utmost importance. Pay particular attention to your teeth and your breath and your body scent.
Look women in the eye - and smile at them. Be polite - even gallant. Trust me - most women don't have enough gallantry in their lives. It's great fun.
In other words, grow some kahunas. Establish your values, your expectations, and your parameters. Be sure you're realistic - you're not likely to attract a high caliber of woman if you're 30 pounds overweight, slovenly, or spend the majority of your time playing video games.
DON'T try to please women so much that you come across as desperate - this feels really, really icky to most women - unless they're predators, and you don't want one of them.
Develop some interactive interests and then pursue them. When you meet someone with similar interests, you'll actually have something to talk about and something to do together.
Hygiene is of the utmost importance. Pay particular attention to your teeth and your breath and your body scent.
Look women in the eye - and smile at them. Be polite - even gallant. Trust me - most women don't have enough gallantry in their lives. It's great fun.
Iamwhoiam
New Member
There are always women and men who are rather dysfunctional. There's been a lot of good responses from here from Sunstone and I'd also say the women who posted responses had the most insight. Just be confident in who you are. and when you do get a date don't expect it to lead to more. It may and it may not. a date is just a date. As far as women going from one bad relationship to another, well we aren't all like that. I've been with my husband for YEARS :-D and honestly after our first date I got scared because I didn't want to get serious I didn't date him again for another year! If he wouldn't have mustered up the guts to ask me out again we wouldn't be married today. I think he is glad sometimes that he asked me out again
Koldo
Outstanding Member
Do you mean that being unique, confident and open to new experiences are inherently attractive traits? I agree with the second one to an extent, but not at all with the other two. These two are so terribly vague that they can either be good or bad traits. To give an example to each, a person that likes to wear the lower part of a bikini on one's head is unique, and a person that likes to play paintball while naked is definitely very open to new experiences.
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
You know what this reminds me of? Here's an experience I had when I was single a few years ago. This may ring some bells with you, or maybe not, but this is what happened:
I met a guy on match.com. He lived about an hour away. He didn't have a very clear photo of himself online, but I'm not one that's overly concerned with looks - I just expect people to make the most of what they have and take care of themselves.
Anyway, he was a great conversationalist online and on the phone. He was a military officer - in fact, a fighter pilot. Yum - man in uniform with a good career and a lifestyle I was very familiar with and comfortable with. He was funny and sweet natured over the phone. We agreed to meet for a date.
He showed up with flowers (nice touch) and was trim and well dressed. But...immediately I was shocked. SHOCKED. He had TERRIBLE teeth. I mean, not rotten, but absolutely MANGLED.
Now - what ticked me off about this was that as an active duty military guy, and one that had been in the military for years, he had access to FREE DENTAL CARE. Regardless of that, the man HAD THE MONEY to get his damn teeth fixed!
Those teeth were so bad that for a moment I honestly wondered if he was wearing Bubba teeth.
Anyway, I couldn't get past it. I couldn't imagine kissing that mouth. No way.
Call me shallow if you will, but no amount of personality or money could have overcome that obstacle in my mind. It wasn't just the teeth - it was the fact that I knew we had a basic disconnect - WHY wouldn't that man have taken the initiative to get those damn teeth fixed?
Couple that with the fact that I had recently spent about $7500 out of my own pocket on my own dental work. Sure, I could have spent that having more fun, like on a great vacation - but hey, teeth are important to me.
Now - was I a jerk? Should I have told him what the problem was? And just how do you tell someone that you don't know that well that their teeth are repulsive? I didn't have much invested in the relationship so I was simply pleasant that evening and then didn't agree to another date, and eventually he got the message I guess because he eventually quit calling me.
He may still be thinking I was a stuck up snob or that I must just prefer jerks. No - but I do prefer men who take care of their dental needs.
I met a guy on match.com. He lived about an hour away. He didn't have a very clear photo of himself online, but I'm not one that's overly concerned with looks - I just expect people to make the most of what they have and take care of themselves.
Anyway, he was a great conversationalist online and on the phone. He was a military officer - in fact, a fighter pilot. Yum - man in uniform with a good career and a lifestyle I was very familiar with and comfortable with. He was funny and sweet natured over the phone. We agreed to meet for a date.
He showed up with flowers (nice touch) and was trim and well dressed. But...immediately I was shocked. SHOCKED. He had TERRIBLE teeth. I mean, not rotten, but absolutely MANGLED.
Now - what ticked me off about this was that as an active duty military guy, and one that had been in the military for years, he had access to FREE DENTAL CARE. Regardless of that, the man HAD THE MONEY to get his damn teeth fixed!
Those teeth were so bad that for a moment I honestly wondered if he was wearing Bubba teeth.
Anyway, I couldn't get past it. I couldn't imagine kissing that mouth. No way.
Call me shallow if you will, but no amount of personality or money could have overcome that obstacle in my mind. It wasn't just the teeth - it was the fact that I knew we had a basic disconnect - WHY wouldn't that man have taken the initiative to get those damn teeth fixed?
Couple that with the fact that I had recently spent about $7500 out of my own pocket on my own dental work. Sure, I could have spent that having more fun, like on a great vacation - but hey, teeth are important to me.
Now - was I a jerk? Should I have told him what the problem was? And just how do you tell someone that you don't know that well that their teeth are repulsive? I didn't have much invested in the relationship so I was simply pleasant that evening and then didn't agree to another date, and eventually he got the message I guess because he eventually quit calling me.
He may still be thinking I was a stuck up snob or that I must just prefer jerks. No - but I do prefer men who take care of their dental needs.
jasonwill2
Well-Known Member
exactly you have to go for women you like as persons or it wont work out
Alceste
Vagabond
It makes you more attractive to women who are into meditation. The point is that when you have a hobby it increases the odds of meeting people of the opposite sex who have something in common with you.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
Ah, yes. It is just that the other 4 can still be relevant to those that don't share them as a hobby. I failed to see how one could say 'I meditate' to impress a girl.
Alceste
Vagabond
Ah, yes. It is just that the other 4 can still be relevant to those that don't share them as a hobby. I failed to see how one could say 'I meditate' to impress a girl.
Meditation has measurable affects that may enhance your sex appeal, depending on who you are attempting to appeal to, just as a physically strenuous hobby creates changes in your physiology that may enhance your sex appeal.
Desperation is extremely unattractive to most people that I know. Extremely unattractive.
I realize it can get into a kind of vicious cycle. A person has trouble getting a date, they become desperate, their being desperate makes it less likely they get a date, they get more desperate, etc. But it's best to break out of that.
-Is the salsa dance guy a nice guy? Or is it assumed that since he's a good dancer and possibly attractive, that he's not a nice guy? Could it be that he's interesting, fun, and a nice guy?
-The way I see it, a person has to be pretty content with their self before finding satisfaction in a relationship. If they're looking for another person to fill a hole in their life, I don't want to be that person. I think most people, would not want to be that person. Instead, find a way to be content, and then share that contentedness with another person.
-Avoid advice from people who aren't in long term relationships. If a person goes, "women want this, women want that, women just want big muscles and money" then check to see if they've actually been in a long relationship before listening to them. Better yet, just be yourself, and if yourself isn't content and well-liked by other people that you respect, then work on that.
-Most people want to be in relationships with compassionate people. Not abusive people. But compassionate and nice doesn't mean weak. If a person lacks other qualities, "nice" shouldn't be a fallback. "Nice" doesn't replace other virtues. "Nice" shouldn't be an act. Be intelligent, resourceful, in good shape for what you have to work with, kind, generous, knowledgeable, socially interesting, and whatever your personality is.
-Attractive males, in my view, do not follow a formula. They don't read a book about how you have to tease women, and then go out and tease women, to try to look confident, instead of nice. Attractive males are genuinely interesting, humorous, and nice people, without a script, willing to tease and play and be kind and have fun, because that's who they are.
-For examples, my interest in guys has gone largely unchanged from middle school through my mid-20's, though of course the attraction is towards people of my age or older. Basically, the guys are both compassionate, and yet passionate, interesting, humorous, confident, and powerful. That is, they're happy people, and content. My first long term boyfriend had long hair, rode a motorcycle, and was a total sweetheart. Such a nice guy, but if people didn't know him at all, they might assume he was a jerk. I parted with him years later, with peace. The second boyfriend studied for a decade and a half in various forms of hand to hand combat, could have gone respectably pro at mixed martial arts if he had pursued it instead of more scholarly pursuits, and is a generous, well-educated, compassionate, relaxed, happy, gentle, intimate, romantic person.
People, basically, want nice. But they don't want nice as a fallback, they don't want desperate, and they don't want nice as a facade.
It isn't that hard to understand, is it?
Different strokes for different folks. There is no game, or role you play, or scripts you learn. People have said it before..."be yourself."
My husband and I have been together for over 11 years. We started as friends, and stayed just friends for several months before we started exploring our affection for each other. He was, by definition, the "nice guy" who was shy and a little awkward when we first met. But he was never desperate...he has always exuded this quiet confidence and a wry sense of humor that has me in stitches.
He told me that he fell for me the moment he looked at me, and spent our friendship (remember, several months) in admiration. Since I told him when we met that I had just come out of a bad marriage, he respected all my boundaries, and not once ever tried anything with me.
He was, and still is, my best friend. I trust this man more than anyone else. Why? Because he established from the beginning his character. And he's also the most attractive man i've ever known because of it.
Yeah, that's nice.
Now quit jabbering and get me a beer.
(watch what happens now, Ruadri Canmore)