painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
He shouldn't be "making friends" with girls just to try to trick them into wanting to date him.How longer should he wait?
He should wait until he can stop thinking of the girl as a mating opportunity.
wa:do
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I am a good man, so why don't I have a girlfriend? Do I need to be a jerk instead?
- Thread starter Ruadri Canmore
- Start date
He should wait until he can stop thinking of the girl as a mating opportunity.
wa:do
Koldo
Outstanding Member
If someone is looking for a love relationship and you say 'Be yourself', then that just means as long as one keeps being himself he will eventually find it. Because you are telling him the way to get into one is by being himself.
If you want to tell him to stop trying, then don't say 'Be yourself'. Just say 'Stop trying'.
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
If you were truly nonviolent in every way you wouldn't be so passive aggressive.I believe in absolute nonviolence. Women - and I've moved with many, from very different backgrounds, cultures etc., so it is safe to generalize in this instance - don't find that sexy. They find aggressive people sexy, just that they won't call it aggression - they'll call it confidence, strength, self-respect, and so on. Pretty clever, eh?
Stop blaming women for your lack of a date.
Being passive aggressive is a total turn off for most women I know as is blaming others for your problems.
Oh, and as an aside... I'll add my voice to the other women here and tell you that truly peaceful nonviolent men have no problem getting the ladies to love them. Unless, you think that Gandhi and MLK weren't as devoted to nonviolence as yourself.
wa:do
Koldo
Outstanding Member
From what i understood, he isn't trying to trick them as he also isn't trying to simply mate. It seems like he really wants to engage into a relationship with a girl.
After all, if he just wants sex then there are better methods to get it ...
And what's wrong with making friends with a girl that you are interested into?
I won't be offering you anything in regards to 'getting girls' (as you already got plenty here), rather regarding how to be more than okay with not being with one now, and for whatever time.
I think it comes down to why you want to be with a girl so much. We all have natural reasons for wanting to be with, and mate with someone. However, to each person there are specifics in addition to the simple natural impulse. That is, there are certain things that you will especially appreciate out of the relationship. Each person has specific needs.
Once you find those out, you can find out how to not make them dependent on any one thing, if alternatives are possible (and i believe that mostly, there are alternatives). That's not to say that you should attempt to have an attitude of no longer wanting or needing girls; rather that you just know how to, and are fine with, living completely without one, for as long as need be. Even if that means forever.
Put differently, i think its essential to know and see that you can live your life alone, and still be completely happy. When that happens, two things at least follow:
1) That you'll no longer be as in desperate need to be with someone.
2) You'll be more capable of judging who you wanna be with, why, and when.
Emotional stress affects our decisions. Its best to relieve one self from such shackles so as not to spend your life sucked into things, rather than entering them out of a conscious, well determined decision.
Finally, don't be too harsh on yourself, or on girls. Going by what you said, you're still at school. Its not strange at all in my view that you haven't been able to be in a relationship this far. It doesn't necessarily say bad things about you or about the girls around you. Its fairly possible that things just not work out smoothly for a long period of time. And i think judging by the time in question here, you don't necessarily have anything to worry about.
I think it comes down to why you want to be with a girl so much. We all have natural reasons for wanting to be with, and mate with someone. However, to each person there are specifics in addition to the simple natural impulse. That is, there are certain things that you will especially appreciate out of the relationship. Each person has specific needs.
Once you find those out, you can find out how to not make them dependent on any one thing, if alternatives are possible (and i believe that mostly, there are alternatives). That's not to say that you should attempt to have an attitude of no longer wanting or needing girls; rather that you just know how to, and are fine with, living completely without one, for as long as need be. Even if that means forever.
Put differently, i think its essential to know and see that you can live your life alone, and still be completely happy. When that happens, two things at least follow:
1) That you'll no longer be as in desperate need to be with someone.
2) You'll be more capable of judging who you wanna be with, why, and when.
Emotional stress affects our decisions. Its best to relieve one self from such shackles so as not to spend your life sucked into things, rather than entering them out of a conscious, well determined decision.
Finally, don't be too harsh on yourself, or on girls. Going by what you said, you're still at school. Its not strange at all in my view that you haven't been able to be in a relationship this far. It doesn't necessarily say bad things about you or about the girls around you. Its fairly possible that things just not work out smoothly for a long period of time. And i think judging by the time in question here, you don't necessarily have anything to worry about.
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If you were truly nonviolent in every way you wouldn't be so passive aggressive.
Stop blaming women for your lack of a date.
Being passive aggressive is a total turn off for most women I know as is blaming others for your problems.
Oh, and as an aside... I'll add my voice to the other women here and tell you that truly peaceful nonviolent men have no problem getting the ladies to love them. Unless, you think that Gandhi and MLK weren't as devoted to nonviolence as yourself.
wa:do
I think avoidance of violence at all possible costs is clearly a virtuous attribute. Blessed are the peacekeepers, and so forth.
But if a man is so dedicated to nonviolence that he would be unwilling to use it to preserve his life in the immediate sense, or the life of his children, the life of his partner, the life of his friends, I don't view that as a rational course of action.
Nonviolent protests are one thing. I think in many cases, they are clearly useful. And it takes a strong person be able to receive violence and not give it back. But I think in certain cases, force is warranted.
Any people here aside, there's a difference between purposely trying to make friends with members of the opposite sex to get to know them and potentially get a date, compared to only seeing friendship with the opposite sex as a means for a date, and becoming angry or upset at members of the opposite sex if friendship doesn't transition into something more intimate.
Nothing.
I don't even have much formal "dating" experience with men because my relationships all came from friendships. Part of that is likely because I'm young; with high school and college, meeting people and becoming friends with them is easy. Though I do see the same thing in the work place, with good relationships coming from friendships first.
Numbers are kind of important here. Not everyone a person becomes friends with is going to want to ever date them. I have plenty of friends that, even if I were single, I would not be interested in dating despite enjoying their friendship. It's hard to put precise numbers on it, but a very tiny fraction of men I ever meet, are people I could ever see myself in a relationship with. Like 5% or less, maybe. So if I know 20 guys, 1 of them would be a person I find myself somewhat attracted to, in the relationship sort of sense. So if a person complains that friendships don't turn into relationships, they could re-evaluate their purpose of having friendships to begin with. Did they value the friendship for what it was, or was it merely intended to be a stepping stone?
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
That's a rather interesting way to use the word 'intelligent'.
Intelligence is very sexy!:yes:
Koldo
Outstanding Member
I just didn't feel like he was upset at the 'friends not wanting to be my girlfriends' as so much as with his overall failure to get into a relationship whatever he does.
I agree with you that becoming angry at this particular point is quite useless as the success rate is probably quite low to begin with. It is pretty close to whining you didn't win the bigger prize in the lottery.
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
No, he specifically said:
It has been suggested that I need to get to know these girls first before I ask them out so that they know for sure I am a good guy and feel safe with me
This means he is using "friendship" as a tool to try to get sex. He doesn't have any genuine interest in being friends with these women.
A fleshlight might be a good start.
Nothing... but you should genuinely want to be her friend. Not using it as way to trick her into some obligation to date.
You shouldn't pick women as friends because you are interested in her body... you should be interested in her as a human being.
wa:do
Koldo
Outstanding Member
This is exactly what this guy says everyday when he wakes up and stares at the mirror:
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
This is exactly what this guy says everyday when he wakes up and stares at the mirror:
Well, these two people say the same thing:
OK, maybe that was a bad example...
That's me and my husband at a costume party. I'm dressed as Julia Child (in a wig, just so you know, with a chicken tied around my neck) and he's errr, drinking quite a bit...
That doesn't mean that he "tricks" them neither.
It could just mean that he's interested into getting in a relationship, and approaches girls casually instead of strictly asking them out on a date, or "officially", off hand.
Should he say to every girl before hand "by the way, this is strictly for mating purposes; i do not want to be your friend".
Do you pick mates based on their bodies solely?
Did he say that this is what he does, either?
No and no, so the fact that he's looking at them as potential mates doesn't mean that he's not interested in them as human beings.
And he would be right.
His only possible folly would be if he thinks that that alone is enough.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
He didn't mention 'sex' though.
Other than that, nothing out of usual actually. I know many guys who do/did that.
Now that i mention it...
I can't remember any man that considers a woman/girl ( not part of their family ) to be a friend* and is not interested in going further into the relationship with her. I don't think i know any.
*: The word 'friend' here is being used to denote someone who you trust and want to spend your time with, and not someone that you just happen know or that you just happen to be colleagues with because you study/work together.
A fleshlight might be a good start.
Nah. He can get straight to the real thing if he wants to.
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
Intelligence.... it is hot hot hot...
wa:do
wa:do
Storm
ThrUU the Looking Glass
What makes you think he's especially intelligent?This is exactly what this guy says everyday when he wakes up and stares at the mirror:
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
It's what he tells himself every morning in the mirror.
Because clearly being intelligent makes you looks like this. :sarcastic
wa:do
Reptillian
Hamburgler Extraordinaire
Because no just god would give a guy his looks without some sort of intelligence to compensate.
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