And why is Australiastan so lame when such great shirts were made there? Hint, hint....I said "were". They stopped making their outrageous island shirts.
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Reasons Americastan Is Better Than Australiastan!
- Thread starter Revoltingest
- Start date
Know Mambo well, Rev. Well known brand here, if not everywhere. 
I see drunk animals, but no innocent drunk animals. I actually organised those animals through the 'Lewisnotmiller's Legendary Animal Modelling Agency (LLAMA)' to pose for that painting. In order;
1) The Koala is not a koala. He is, in fact, a drop bear. He ended up in prison for eating 4 New Zealanders, and was constantly kept in a Hannibal Lecter mask to stop his drop-bearish ways.
He's there to represent our dangerous fauna.
2) The Sheep isn't drunk, he's dead (notice the x eyes). Over here, we have a tendency to eat our sheep. This may sound cruel, but compared to what New Zealander's do with their sheep, it's positively humane. So he's there to represent barbeques.
3) The Kangaroo was ex-military, but he got cashiered out after complaints from Americans, actually. So you should feel a little responsible. Least I got him a modelling gig. Funny story though...
Don't Mess With Skippy
This is supposedly true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaisance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers.
Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's position).
Being good little programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc.
The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively..... .. then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter.
Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife... As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place...
source: Kangaroos Jokes | Funny Humor by Joke Buddha
I see drunk animals, but no innocent drunk animals. I actually organised those animals through the 'Lewisnotmiller's Legendary Animal Modelling Agency (LLAMA)' to pose for that painting. In order;
1) The Koala is not a koala. He is, in fact, a drop bear. He ended up in prison for eating 4 New Zealanders, and was constantly kept in a Hannibal Lecter mask to stop his drop-bearish ways.
He's there to represent our dangerous fauna.
2) The Sheep isn't drunk, he's dead (notice the x eyes). Over here, we have a tendency to eat our sheep. This may sound cruel, but compared to what New Zealander's do with their sheep, it's positively humane. So he's there to represent barbeques.
3) The Kangaroo was ex-military, but he got cashiered out after complaints from Americans, actually. So you should feel a little responsible. Least I got him a modelling gig. Funny story though...
Don't Mess With Skippy
This is supposedly true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaisance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers.
Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's position).
Being good little programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc.
The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively..... .. then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter.
Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife... As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place...
source: Kangaroos Jokes | Funny Humor by Joke Buddha
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
Tougher 'n yer think.......Ozzie lawyers are sissies!
The one sitting down looks like a tough bro.....
And the bloke in the dock looks like a right muvva......
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
Nah....... both lots are softies...... pushovers......I better stay out of this. I'm surrounded by Americans and Australians. Don't wanna have the beating of my life
Everybody knows that Americanistanianithanisms keep little lap dogs and hang out in skimpie underwear on street corners...
And Australianistanianisms all have at least three psychos to go to whenever they go through the trauma of losing their car-keys.....
Or is it the other way round?
Viker
Your beloved eccentric Auntie Cristal
Typical Britainistani response.Nah....... both lots are softies...... pushovers......
Everybody knows that Americanistanianithanisms keep little lap dogs and hang out in skimpie underwear on street corners...
And Australianistanianisms all have at least three psychos to go to whenever they go through the trauma of losing their car-keys.....
Or is it the other way round?
Typical Britainistani response.
Don't worry. They'll never invade us. All we need to do is expose 'em to sunshine, and they burn cherry red in about 8 seconds.
Viker
Your beloved eccentric Auntie Cristal
Also helps to cut off their gin, tea and crumpet supply lines. Britainistanis are helpless without those.
Nah....... both lots are softies...... pushovers......
Everybody knows that Americanistanianithanisms keep little lap dogs and hang out in skimpie underwear on street corners...
And Australianistanianisms all have at least three psychos to go to whenever they go through the trauma of losing their car-keys.....
Or is it the other way round?
So I'm not gonna have my butt kicked anymore?
Yepee
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
Don't call me a Britainistanianisti-thingy!Typical Britainistani response.
Darn 'ere we lot is the siphoi... sifistici... err .... smart end of the land...... the Kentistanians. One word....... 'ard, and I don't just mean sexually capable, I means 'ard!
Them fosters sippers is whimps!
And them Americanistainianistis, well, darn 'ere we calls 'em coyote-woofters.
'nuff sed...... sniff.
oldbadger
Skanky Old Mongrel!
Well, that depends.So I'm not gonna have my butt kicked anymore?
Yepee
I once knew a night-club bouncer who paid to have his butt kicked ..... by blokes! And since he got paid to chuck idiots out of night-clubs it was just a bonus if the odd clubber hurt him. Honest.
So if you want your butt kicked then Revolting might be able to sort something out, somehow (he knows folks), but Ausies would even mess that up!
You've probably heard that Americanistanians couldn't organise a p-ss-up in a brewery, but Aussies couldn't organise a sexual encounter in a brothel!
Right, I'm taking my Missus to London for the day.......... far away from RF reprisals!
Well, that depends.
I once knew a night-club bouncer who paid to have his butt kicked ..... by blokes! And since he got paid to chuck idiots out of night-clubs it was just a bonus if the odd clubber hurt him. Honest.
So if you want your butt kicked then Revolting might be able to sort something out, somehow (he knows folks), but Ausies would even mess that up!
You've probably heard that Americanistanians couldn't organise a p-ss-up in a brewery, but Aussies couldn't organise a sexual encounter in a brothel!
Right, I'm taking my Missus to London for the day.......... far away from RF reprisals!
Oh, well then I guess every thing is did you just say sexual something?
Oh boy, I'm just a little innocent virgin...
Phhht. You know Fosters doesn't even get SOLD in Australia, right? It's rubbish. We export it to the rest of the world, we're not mad enough to DRINK it.
Wu Wei
ursus senum severiorum and ex-Bisy Backson
Well actually your not worthy enough to drink it...but that is not why I'm posting... the real reason Americastan Is better than Australiastan is because I say so...... no matter how unrealistic that may be... no matter how big my delusions of grandeur might be...that...right there is the ONLY reason..... and if I go by my picture in the upper left hand corner of my post...because I am about 7 foot tall, have 6 inch claws and I am a terrible monster with "nasty, big, pointy teeth......again no matter how delusional that may be... that is proof enough that Americastan Is better than Australiastan..... oh and the Scotsman with his arm in the toilet says so too...
You might be a big scary bear, but I'm an inanimate object. And inanimate objects have no fear!!!
"Inanimate object" is Australiastanian slang for "sex toy".
It's true! Check the OED!
It's true! Check the OED!
...and 'Sex toy' is Americanistanian for 'Shoots big bullets'. Which is the reason we are better.
Hah! That's not what the OED says!
What dictionary did you check...."Crocodile Dumbdee's Big Book Of Werd Lernin"?
No. I would have looked there, but there wasn't an English translation available.