Corporal Punishment Reinstated

[Shadow Wolf]

That is so true!!! And certainly "consequences" doesn't translate into always spanking. It isn't "the answer" but can be a tool in an variety with other ways

Manipulators have that as a tool among others. That doesn't make it ok to manipulate people.
Striking a child is never the answer. We know that hitting an adult is wrong in mostly all circumstances and situations. Why do we think it is ok then that we can hit a child to as a means of discipline? If a husband hits his wife for drinking a bottle of wine, it doesn't matter if she has a drinking problem or not. Hitting people isn't ok, and it is, rightfully, considered abuse in this situation. How can it be justified to hit a child?

 

[Twilight Hue]

I've spent a deal of time studying serial killers. In the few cases where a physical rod was spared the emotional rod was brutal.
And there's also been a genetic factor at play when it comes to what we call psychopaths/socipaths (it's not a diagnosis and the terms are interchangeable, it's factually wrong to say one was born and the other raised).

I suspect it's actually both.

 

[VoidCat]

Manipulators have that as a tool among others. That doesn't make it ok to manipulate people.
Striking a child is never the answer. We know that hitting an adult is wrong in mostly all circumstances and situations. Why do we think it is ok then that we can hit a child to as a means of discipline? If a husband hits his wife for drinking a bottle of wine, it doesn't matter if she has a drinking problem or not. Hitting people isn't ok. How can it be justified to hit a child?

It used to be in some places spanking a wife was ok as a form of discipline similar to how you'd spank a child. I dont mean like as a form of foreplay or funishment like in a bdsm relationship or anything like that but like as an actual punishment. Heck even beating your wife was ok as punishment. Cuz woman were considered similar to children and husbands should discipline them in order to control them.

But now we see that as wrong. Spanking a child seems similar to that.

 

[Kenny]

See tho spanking is often considered a key characteristic of authoritarian style.

Im not saying you were always authoritarian with your kids. Many parents switch between styles. But in this instance you probably were even if unintentionally. I will say I am glad you tried to keep your style authoriative which is typically considered the best style in most cases regarding parenting.

Studies do point towards it being detrimental spanking. Even if your kids are fine which I doubt there was no real damage from it it shouldn't be the norm. There are better ways of parenting.

I can see your point, but I don't quite like putting things in a box and then labeling it all.

For an example:

One can say, "If you do this you will have a time out". (Authoritative) The child does it anyway and you say "You are now having a time out for all today" (Authoritarian).

In other words, it isn't always what you do (method) but how your do it. (implementation)

 

[Twilight Hue]

See tho spanking is often considered a key characteristic of authoritarian style.

Im not saying you were always authoritarian with your kids. Many parents switch between styles. But in this instance you probably were even if unintentionally. I will say I am glad you tried to keep your style authoriative which is typically considered the best style in most cases regarding parenting.


Studies do point towards it being detrimental spanking. Even if your kids are fine which I doubt there was no real damage from it it shouldn't be the norm. There are better ways of parenting.

A smart parent would see spanking as an option and not the standard for every situation and instance.

 

[Kenny]

Manipulators have that as a tool among others. That doesn't make it ok to manipulate people.
Striking a child is never the answer.

Yes, some use manipulation... i don't. And I agree with your second statement (as I said it myself) - spanking is not the answer... just a tool.

And I didn't hit... I disciplined.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Would I wipe their bottoms now?

I am missing your application.

There are cases where it would be needed.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Yes, some use manipulation... i don't. And I agree with your second statement (as I said it myself) - spanking is not the answer... just a tool.

And I didn't hit... I disciplined.

You still hit them. A rose by any other name still has thorns just as prickly.

 

[Kenny]

You still hit them. A rose by any other name still has thorns just as prickly.

And time out is manipulation?
20 Thornless Roses for a Stunning Child-Friendly Garden - Garden and Happy

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I suspect it's actually both.

That is what science strongly suggests.
But, it still goes back to the point of this notion you have to hit a child so the child doesn't grow into psychopath. That's not really possible as it does appear to require both a genetic basis as well as a viciously cruel childhood. They not spared the rod. Serial killers themselves were frequently bed wetters.
Sparing the rod is not what does this.

 

[SomeRandom]

Yet we live in a world where corporal punishment is the guiding force in just about all societies.

What do you think the police are there and actually equipped for?

They will hit you if you misbehave.

Coppers will likely get sued into oblivion and lose their badge if they hit you here. Jesus!

Police brutality is considered a crime and an overreach of their powers in most civilised societies.
Now I’ll grant you that we allow police to use physical force to bring very violent offenders into custody, but they’re still not allowed to hit anyone. But typically once in custody, we tend to back off a little on that. Depending on the circumstance. Actually I don't think we allow criminals to be beaten or hit even in jail. Their lawyer would have a field day! At least where I live.

Also science (multiple disciplines, no less) has rebuked physical punishment for the last like 30 years or so.
Just because the US is living in the past doesn’t mean the rest of us are. We’ve moved on. And this is coming from someone living in what was originally a penal colony.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

And time out is manipulation?

It involves no physical punishment, and I found them highly useful used more-or-less as a way to let the kids throw their tantrum somewhere else where its less of a distraction for others, and then discuss things when the child has calmed down.

 

[Kenny]

It involves no physical punishment, and I found them highly useful used more-or-less as a way to let the kids throw their tantrum somewhere else where its less of a distraction for others, and then discuss things when the child has calmed down.

A rose by any other name is still a rose and has thorns with it?

It is using a form of good manipulation to manipulate their tantrum into a more constructive interaction.

Another great tool

 

[Shadow Wolf]

And this is coming from someone living in what was originally a penal colony.

It is a very bad look that a country that was started when England shipped off its criminals is so far better of than the country that was started by England shedding some of its most highly religious residents.

 

[SomeRandom]

It is a very bad look that a country that was started when England shipped off its criminals is so far better of than the country that was started by England shedding some of its most highly religious residents.

True. But I’m going to take that as a compliment lol

 

[Shadow Wolf]

A rose by any other name is still a rose and has thorns with it?

It is using a form of good manipulation to manipulate their tantrum into a more constructive interaction.

Another great tool

The idea is to not use thorns against your child. Of course the child will be angry and upset and this and that, but there are means that do not deliberately inflict any harm upon the child, means that are far more likely to produce children who respect the rules and wanting to avoid disappointing their parents over kids who see the rules as not generally applying and just strives to not get caught.

 

[Ashoka]

I've never understood why so many are okay with hurting a child. Spanking is abusive. And it takes away a child's rights and agency over their own body. It's humiliating and wrong. We don't hit adults. So why do we think it's okay to hit children?

 

[Kenny]

The idea is to not use thorns against your child. Of course the child will be angry and upset and this and that, but there are means that do not deliberately inflict any harm upon the child, means that are far more likely to produce children who respect the rules and wanting to avoid disappointing their parents over kids who see the rules as not generally applying and just strives to not get caught.

That is exactly what I did. Along with very limited time out.

I find extensive (1 week penalty - no TV or Games) - abusive.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I've never understood why so many are okay with hurting a child. Spanking is abusive. And it takes away a child's rights and agency over their own body. It's humiliating and wrong. We don't hit adults. So why do we think it's okay to hit children?

In my family it's not unusual for a child to be too stubborn to use spanking against and it ends up sparking the first sparks that eventually ignite the flames of rebellion and lead to a life of clashing with authority.

 

[Aštra’el]

Are you basing your approval on anything particular? Or just the ol' 'spareth the rod' thing.

Life.